Fields!

[Verse: Xhef]
Woke me up on what must've been the first day
Heard stories didn't pop out in a good way
Came out feet first and purple in the face
Almost never got to know you in a real place
But you were there for me
And I haven't left your arms since
Made every single raindrop feel like a long rinse
Pure innocence didn't have to understand you
Couldn't even think of a day I couldn't stand you
All the fields we ran through
Happy little Andrew
The flowers wе smelt still smelled likе the shampoo
Was a matter of perspective didn't' see it all tightening
Never hid anything just adjusted the lighting
When dads eyes was bloodshot and you told me he was crying
Now whenever we don't speak you telling me he's dying
Always had that lil sense of humor
Made the coldest moments seem just cooler
Drip feed me hubris through a tube
When as a kid you gave me swigs
Said I'm invincible when I was in the nude
Every ugly detail was too bright and crude
Twigs and sticks distracted me from days the sky wasn't blue
But when the dirt started sticking and I put away my toys
Made me realize I was different from all the other boys
They was passionate bout sports and who in class had the check
Never comfy or invested in what's hot or what's next
All the good times was costs and I accumulated debts
Depression hit hard had to pay it back in rest
Early middle school I had hairs on my chest
Pimples on my face and a noose around my neck
And it was like that
You took the light back
At 9 years sucker punched
Now I'm 21 and you still won't let me fight back
You know I could take us out with one motion
One shot one ocean no thought
Stone on the grave plot
But I keep goin can't stop
I'm acting to your plot
Puppet I'm weak to all your beautiful spots
The moments of a warm bath after a cold day of school
Or passing joints on summer nights out lookin at the moon
I wish I could commit to a permanent solution
It gets better gets worse it repeats who you fooling
Keeping me here like this feel like a sick joke
No control over my own feelings in a world where your feelings don't control
Anything and nothing makes any sense ever
And to keep sane I tell myself it always gets better
Truth is it always gets
And that's as far as it goes
When I look back and reflect wish I left everyone alone
A tree with no roots falls silent then its gone
Not remembered just reclaimed by the place I came from
On some ashes to ashes where the dust never scattered
Just stayed where it was unknown forever after
But now I'm laying in this field snow burying my body
Reminiscing on the times when I didn't stop trying
Now my lips gone purple and my feet frostbitten
Focus on the nothing till nothing in my vision