FingerFoods

I been feeling hot so long I got dizzy
I been smoking pot so long it not sticky
I been longing for the days of milky eggs and rice crispies
Begging with my aunt in the kitchen but she not with me
Back when soda always came out fizzy
Double back to the city
When I get it imma give
Know you watchin from the north
Stars shine I feel different
Tears in my smile remember you still with me
You all still with me
Hope you seeing the man im becoming
And guide my hands to make soup when im icky
I be running from the demons that you felt in your life
Where your standing you can see how far I am from the light
Am I close?
My drеams too specific when you presеnt in the mind
You left the earth but we talk from time to time
Forgive me you've seen my actions (illness) take a toll on my physique
My eyes not as light and hopeful as what you mightve seen
But
Im still here
Your still here
Im still here
Your still here
Im still here
Your still here
( Verse 2 )
Summer 2020
Post shit not sinking in
Party house upstate new york
We was goin in
When I Came home pops was in the basement
I said whats up
He ain't say nothing tho
Glassy eyed rage I walked away to find grandma
Catch up, vacation talk whats goin on when I was gone
But her room empty, living room kitchen too
Said where she at now I was stressing too
He broke with a steady voice
So it sank in the first time
Almost life ending stroke happened while I was cross state lines
I said almost, so what happens next
Said we pray for recovery and know that she is blessed
She in the best care affordable so really not the best
Knot of not knowing formed in my chest
How close was she to heaven
How close was she to rest
How long till I can see her
How much of her is left
How she really feeling
Will she ever smile again
He told me the worst really over
I wasn't at her at the bed
When sleep was really looking like the cousin of death
Scheduled a meeting took about a week or two
Said What they got for eatin here
Steady diet of fingerfoods
Pops said a week earlier had to come thru a tube
I felt my heart breaking but was grateful for improvements
Stable speaking slowly slurred
Hanging onto every word
I spoke and felt heard
Felt missed felt loss felt remorse felt sick
I felt water in my eyes when I couldn't give a hug or a kiss
And when I didn't in my past
I existed
Hate in my heart from my youth had ashamed and livid
The love Never left even when it was conflicted
Im so grateful you still living
Uh
Im still here
Your still here
Im still here
Your still here