Wilting

I think I know that voice
It came to me in my sleep
Narrating failures
Painted watercolours flesh out the scenes
If this is only a dream
I’ve just myself to blame
I could be anything so why am I still fucking ashamed

I never needed you more
Than when my hands start to shake
Endlessly drifting and I know I’ll never wake up the same
I hear it in your tone
But can’t recall if you’d say
I shouldn’t need another reason from somebody to stay

Maybe it’s all in my head
Maybe none of this is real
I’ve been picking at scabs
I desperately need to heal
I’ve been living a lie
And I’m in too deep today
I could be anything so why am I still fucking ashamed

If I could love anything
More than I hate myself
I think I could accept
Maybe all I need is some help
I’m a coward at heart
Always pushing away
Shouldn’t need another reason from somebody to stay

I could do nothing but sit and shake for hours
With the kind of self-loathing that stings in the shower
Pushing perceptions pills will prevent this pain from my head
Mistaking empathy for pity
It’s just my life I’m taking

Now my flowers a wilting
Can’t find the sun
Fed by only the knowledge that I’m no good to anyone
Poison lingers on every breath
It’s all that I know and it scares me to death