The Gospel According To Me

I heard she took him to the river one day|She dunked him in and washed all his sins away|Then, she took him to the cleaners practically the next day|Now then, adios amigo, let us pray||I hear that heavenly angel choir |but they're singing way off key|Singing hallelujah, amen, what's to eat|Those bells are ringing at the gate |they're singing come on grab a plate|That is the gospel, honey, according to me||My friends are gamblers, beggers, strippers, and such|And we all done some things we ain't so proud of|Well, I'm pretty certain that the good lord up above|Has got his mind on more important stuff||I hear that heavenly angel choir |but they're singing way off key|Singing hallelujah, amen, what's to eat|Those bells are ringing at the gate |they're singing come on grab a plate|That is the gospel, honey, according to me||Some folks like gossip like they love a good sale|They always got something juicy to tell|You wanna talk about your original sin|Honey, I'd never join a club that'd ever let me in|I keep my Pappy in a jar by the door|Gas up my car at the convenience store|Well, you may not like me but I'm hard to ignore |Times are hard, thank god that's what heavens for||I hear that blessed angel choir |but they're singing way off key|Singing hallelujah, amen, ain't you sweet|Those bells are ringing at the gate |they're singing come don't be late|That is the gospel, honey, drinks are on me||Awhoo hoo hoo!