The Great Debate

Welcome, welcome, welcome
To this great arena
Durham, North Carolina
The heart of the research triangle
We've come to this particular place tonight
We've gotta look at things from every angle
We need some answers to some complicated questions
If we're going to get it right
To that end we have here gathered
Some of the most expensive scientists in the world
Eminent scientists, that is
We got biologists, biometricians
We got a quantum mechanic and astrophysicians
We got a cosmologist and cosmeticians
We got an astronaut, we got an astroboy

We got he-doctors, she-doctors
Knee doctors, tea doctors
We got a lumberjack and a life coach

On the other side, we have the true believers
We got the Baptists, the Methodists, the Presbyterians
Episcopalians are here, pass the hat
We got the Shakers, the Quakers
The anti-innoculators
The big-boss line from Madison Town
The Six Blind Boys, Five Tons of Joy
Give 'em room or get outta the way
We got a Bible-belter from the Mississippi delta
Have them all arraigned

Scientists, are you ready?
First question
Dark matter
Ooh, dark matter
Get me someone who knows somethin' about space
Nice space music, Georgie
Alright, what is it?
Where is it?
Can we get some?
Stand up sir, what's your-
You are standing, forgive me
Dark matter, go ahead

Dark matter is out in space
It's seventy-five percent of everything
Just a moment, sir
Do yourself a favor, use our music, people like it and
Your music's making people sick
Alright, it's a free country
Go ahead with dark matter, what is it?
We don't know what it is
But we think it's everywhere
I'll take a look at it
Can we get someone down here?
Of course not!

Let me get this straight
You don't know what it is
You don't know where it is
And we can't get any
Put that to the one side
Let's put the Lord, faith, eternity
Whatever on the other side
Show 'em Vance

I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
Yes, I would
Yes, I would
Yes, I would
Yes, I would
I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time

Alright
One-nothing
Next one is going to be a hard one
It's about the theory of evolution
And it's about animals also
So get me someone who knows somethin' about evolution and animals
Who you got?

Whoa
You're a beautiful woman, aren't you?
It doesn't matter of course
This science thing doesn't work out for you
Don't boo me, don't boo me
I'm just kidding, you know that
Here's my question
Explain me the giraffe
Go ahead
Elaborate with pleasure, miss
The giraffe, to survive, must eat leaves high up on the Yabba Yabba tree
That's true, isn't it?
Of course it is, everyone knows that
But Mr. Darwin's giraffe, a half-way giraffe, with a half-way giraffe neck
Could never reach the highest branches of the Yabba Yabba
Therefore, it could not have survived
It's only common sense
Unfortunately for you, Mr. Charles Darwin didn't have any common sense
Evolution is a theory
And we have just now, tonight, disproved it
Show of hands

I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
I'll take Jesus, I'll take Jesus
I'll take Jesus every time
Yes, I would
Yes, I would
Yes, I would
Yes, I would
I'll take Jesus every time

Alright, two-nothing
Next question, global warming
Is it? And if so, so what?
One the true believers seems to be recognized
Hand over a mic, Charles
Thank you

Sir, you know what you are
You're an idiot
You're a strong man, a fabrication
You see, the author of this little vignette, Mr. Newman
Self-described atheist and commonist
Creates characters like you as objects of ridicule
He doesn't to believe anything he has you say
Nor does he want us to believe anything you say
Makes it easy for him to knock you down, hence a strong man
I myself, believe in Jesus
I believe in evolution also
I believe in global warming
And in life everlasting
No one can knock me down

Oh, we can knock you down, mister
We can knock your communist friend down, too
Commonist? He called me an idiot
We've been knocking people like Mr. Newman down for years and years
Like this, sir
Page 35 Georgie
Miss Dorothy, page 35

I know someone is watching me
Everywhere I go
Someone sees everything I see
Knows everything I know
When I'm in trouble, don't have a friend
It's him somebody who I can be friends with
Someone who'll be there till the very end
Someone is watching me

Someone is watching me
Someone is watching me
For so long I was too blind to see
Someone is watching
Someone is watching
Someone is watching me

Take a look back, ladies and gentlemen
15, 20, 25 minutes
Depending on how the merchandise is moving
We'll be right back