Welcome to the South
Middlesbroughs, Edinburghs
Boroughs of this land
Come down south, the furthest south
For sun and sea and sand
For it will suck your soul out
And spit you out to sea
Wash you from the end of the pier
A long, long way from me
So northern stars be fearful of
A beach that slopes too steep
So rapidly from promenade
To thousand metre deep
Brummies sure ain't Brummies
Scouse ain't even Scouse
The only single occupant
Is northern ghost in house
Goodbye stony silence
Hello mealy mouth
Farewell shyness
Welcome to the south
Other places brag about
The sand between your toes
This place just the distance from
The pebble to the nose
And it will take your politics
And minus it of fight
Dress you up in rebel chic
And bend you to the right
From kiss of life by lifeguard
To kiss of death by sea
Those rides are no more safer than
That ride on uncle's knee
Brummies sure ain't Brummies
Scouse ain't even Scouse
The only single occupant
Is northern ghost in house
Goodbye stony silence
Hello mealy mouth
Farewell shyness
Welcome to the south
Skinny dipping, Champagne sipping
Dinner party guest
Snowboard riding, accent hiding
Fortunately blessed
In cafes, bars we'd show the scars
Of conversation jilted
Whilst you spoke French beneath the stars
Our confidence just wilted
Brummies sure ain't Brummies
Scouse ain't even Scouse
The only single occupant
Is northern ghost in house
Goodbye stony silence
Hello mealy mouth
Farewell shyness
Welcome to the south