do you.. (feat. Ashtn Mrtn)

In the Summer
I stretch out on the shore
And I think of you
Had I told the sea
What I felt for you
It would've left the shores
It's shells
It's fish
And followed me
I write this hoping you find yourself as you find a way
Preferred in person but your toxicity I couldn't face
At this point I'm unsure what I'm willing to take
Cause all these fuck-boy antics, I cannot entertain
Maybe it's my luck, maybe I am what I attract
Maybe it's all a lesson that I'm just unwilling to accept
But what I know for sure
I gave my all to somebody that ain't shit
That couldn't turn around and love me more
You don't deserve me, nigga, you ain't worthy
Running round with your homies, putting them all before me
What hurts is that I had plans to grow old with you
For some reason you can't seem to let the light in you
Tired of trying, tired of your excuses
Telling me that you trying when really, you just trying it
Claiming that you love me, but do you really?
Cause every time we seem to fight you end up tryna leave me
And every time we disagree you proceed to insult me
Second guessing my worth, going from bad to worse
I pray that you read this and throw away your pride
And not read it solely for intentions to reply
Sometimes I hate love
Sometimes I hate that I love you
Cause still I wish that better becomes you
Sometimes I wish that better became us
But maybe in another world when you're grown up, cause I lost touch
Do you love me? You probably sick of me now
Do you love me? You not feeling me now
Do you love me? When I'm down and out
Do you love me? I need to better me now
Love me
Do you love me or love me not
Love me
Do you love me or love me not
How can I love you if you push me away
How can I be there for my seed if you don't want me to stay
You seem to think that every time I'm with the homies, engaged
That I'm actually with a chick, but look, that ain't the case
It's tough
To even try to admit my wrongs
Because, in my nature, shame is stronger than love
It does, come across as if I never really cared
But internally, my soul tends to burn with fear
Maybe I'm unlucky, maybe God don't love me
Fuck
Here I go again with my lack of maturity
Stuck
Between being who I am and who I'm tryna be
Between running from myself and finally facing me
I couldn't bare to share, the thought of you judging me
But I long for the day that I can be free
All my life, my house was not a home
And even though I had siblings, see, I still felt alone
And my father wasn't aware, and my mother wasn't there
And as a little child I seen that life wasn't fair
Cause I never felt love, cause nobody showed love
Nobody showed love cause they wasn't taught love
Nobody taught love cause they never got love
So how can I love if I never knew love?
Failed marriages, failed relationships
Running through life like this the norm, embracing it
I wanted better for our future endeavors
But maybe this is what aligned due to present vendettas
You even wanted children
Pretended you was too hasty
But I was scared of the thought that I would curse my babies
Sometimes I hate love
Sometimes I hate that I love you
But still I pray that better becomes you
Sometimes I wish that better became us, but I'm to blame
My soul to the heavens, I'm praying for change
Do you love me? You probably sick of me now
Do you love me? You not feeling me now
Do you love me? When I'm down and out
Do you love me? I need to better me now
Love me
Do you love me or love me not
Love me
Do you love me or love me not
I touched a flower
And water trickled down in droplets
Filled with morning dew
There was a serene cold sound swaying in the air
My mind supplying me
My mental music to my ears
Sad, calm, and refreshing
Fruits on trees, and
One or two cars passing by, maybe
Wet grass and coffee brown soil
My feet resting on the fields of earth
And the weird part about just standing outside
After a heavy rain is just so ordinary
But I felt light somehow
And I knew that this world has much more hope growing within
It has a lot more to offer
And I have a lot more to give