Best Intentions

We are a product of our times
Our legacy's of messiness of misdirected
Energies and self-obsessive tendencies
But i'll waste no more time in
Wanting that can never be
Those friendships numb to nothing now I
Hope that you remember me
In kindness or at least in empathy
Like I remember you
I know that i am who i am
For having been a friend to you
I know now firsthand that regretting
Love will empty you
Of all that makes you loving and of
All that lovers pay attention to
I've been here before, entangled
Trying not to mention you
When all my blood and guts are filled
To bursting with the stench of you
See I lose me in loving and I
Do things I never meant to do
All my weakness is my weakness in
An attempt to strengthen you
Last night just like all other nights
I fell asleep and dreamt of you

But 'you' is not one person
Not one version of a person
Or a device enlisted in these rhymes to
Help me vent some raw emotion, no
'You' is all the yous I ever loved in falsity
All the yous I ever fell for in
The darkness of this false city
All the yous who had my truth and
In return were false to me
All the yous I had to lose so
I could make the most of me
All the yous whose secrets I still keep
Who are like ghosts to me haunting me
Every time I let someone get close to me
All the yous I lie beside
Whose cries seem like such boast to me
Who naked came and naked left and
Squandered all my hopes in me
Resuscitate the vilest side and stifle
All the growth in me
You made me feel immortal but in
Secret made a joke of me

Well, whatever's come to pass I
Hope that you, like me, are sure
That the love was always real
And the intention always pure
And whatever people tell you
They can't ever love you more
It's just I wish I'd known to love
You right before and that's the score
And whatever's come to pass I
Hope that you, like me, are sure
That the love was always real
And the intention always pure
And whatever people tell me they
Can't ever love me more
Still, I wish I'd known to
Love you right before

But every storm thats ever blown, blows in me
The world pitches and heaves
And pulls my tides
I wear the lonely strength that
Sorrow brings me but
I woke this morning old and I realised
My best friends don't know the
Weight of my contrition or
The flames that make a furnace of my throat
The relentless burning thrust of
My ambition or the
Trust I bore and lost now so remote

A tribe of enemies rise up against me
I'm stare at them for faces but find masks
Eyes that once looked sweetly gaze
Back empty and I
Cannot do the things of me they ask
Stop asking!
I must answer to my own looming potential
It rears it's fearsome head and
It screams my name
These callous bleeding fingers
Grip that pencil and I scrawl on scraps of
Paper: "I'm to blame, i'm to blame"
I scrawl on scraps of paper: "I'm to blame"
I know because you told me I'm to blame

And all that was, that is, all that will be
Is heavy - like the tears you waste - on me

So don't fall in love with me
Coz I will write about it
When it's come to nothing and you
Begin to doubt it ever happened
I will mull it over churn it out
I'll bring the ocean to the drought
You'll tell me it's unhealthy and hurt me
When you try to help me
Then I will tell you that "I'm sorry" when
A time for sorry is long deceased
I will think of you when all
The city longs for sleep i'll keep them up
Screaming out the secrets I
Don't want to keep
That's when I'll call you up in tears knowing
You don't want to speak and say

Whatever's come to pass
I hope that you like me are sure
That the love was always real
And the intention always pure
Whatever people tell you
They'll can't everlove you more
I really wish I'd known to
Love you right before