These Are the Days

[Verse 1]
Jesus knocked on my door
Much to early in the morning
In a polyester leisure suit
And his short blonde hair blow-dried
Said a handful of dead presidents
Would insure my swft salvation
And guarantee my reservation
At that members-only penthouse in the sky
Well, I’d already blown my savings
On yet another meat hangover
So I gave the cat five dollars
And my brand new fishing pole
And then I said “If you’ll excuse me
I’m about to clean my rifle
And I ain’t got time to trife
With someone tryna sell vacations for my soul”

[Chorus 1]
These are the days
I wish I’d been an astronaut instead
These are the days
I wish I’d stayed in bed

[Verse 2]
I was watching my TV
With a quart of old Milwaukee
Catching up on all the murderers
When my telephone starts to ring
It turns out that it’s the president
Telling me if he gets my vote
I will soon be wearing a mink coat
‘Cause he’ll make all of us Americans rich as kings
Well, he had me hook, line, and sinker
Even though it was just a recording
‘Til the news showed guys on Wall Street
Trying to fly without their jets
So I fed my German shepards
Checked the canned goods in the basement
And hoped the president’s replacement
Hasn’t tried to get my telephone number yet

[Chorus 2]
These are the days
I wish I’d been an eskimo instead
These are the days
I wish I’d stayed in bed

[Guitar Solo]

[Verse 3]
Nietzsche knocked on my door
Said “God is dead and getting funky”
And if I did not believe him
“Well just take a look around”
So I peeked out
The air smelled cheesy
And what trees were left looking gnarly
And I said “Fred, get back on your Harley
‘Cause you existential creeps just bring me down”

[Outro]
These are the days
I wish I’d been a maniac instead
These are the days
I wish there was no brain inside my head
These are the days
I wish I’d stayed in bed