Defeated

When you're defeated
When you're trying to get this feeling out of you
When you can't see through the excess water in your eyes
Stretching out your shirt to wipe your soaked cheeks
When it presses all the air out of your body with that last drop
When you feel it crawling up your abdomen it don't stop
It'll lie to you until you can't tell whats real
So you keep telling yourself to stop being such an emotional bitch
When you can't breathe
Compulsively writing
Compulsively contorting your face
Shutting your eyes just as hard as you can
Trying to pull something you can't find from out of yourself
When then can tell that something ain't right under the surface
And they leave it there
When you have to try hard to shut up knowing it ain't fair
When your jaw is sore from clenching
When you lie to your friends
When you avoid problematic thoughts and conversations at your own peril
When death is a viable solution despite what they say
Every day is another day
It's a brand new day
When you can't tell if you're just being a bitch
When you remember that none of this really matters
Remember how small you are
Remember all the trillions of people who had it worse
I guess i'd rather wanna kill myself sometimes than have ALS or MS
When you realize we don't give a fuck
You gotta suck it up and act happy and motivated or else you get put on the back burner...