Until I Collapse

One thing I know now
Is that I cannot go on like that
The longer I stay the stronger it makes me mad
I hate the silence so loud
That keeps me busy 'til I throw it all away
Lose control of my body

I thought I knew myself the whole time
I was just torturing my soul somehow
It's never enough until I collapse
cnd I tend to forget we only live once
cnd each day I try to run too many miles
I can't keep up, I'm feelin' worn now

This woman told me the truth, a diagnosis
I knew the moment I heard it
It would change my whole world
Pictured a white room and doors
I kicked them open as usual
I cried and I cried
I think I've waited too long

I thought I knew myself the whole time
I was just torturing my soul somehow
It's never enough until I collapse
cnd I tend to forget we only live once
cnd each day I try to run too many miles
I can't keep up, I'm feelin' torn now

cnd I've been following the rules
It's been four months
I can't give up on you
I resent my addictions, my bad habits
The toxic rituals, land back on my feet
Oh My

I thought I could live forever like that
I can't even count the things I realized
So many doors I have to close
« What's essential now ? »
cnd I tend to forget I can take my time
Listen to and respect the body I've got
I can't keep up
I can't keep up
Otherwise I'll die