Coming of Age in L.A.
[Intro]
(Verily, there are more ways of serving God
Than locking the thighs together
May have pro weakened when the hair's sprouts below the navel
Nay, I can head scarce cover it with my hand now
Hear ye that my little Beaumont?
Does that not cause some little bird about you to flutter?)
"Step right up folks and get your ticket to L.A
The greatest freak show on earth!"
[Verse 1]
You'll see poor Patty
A beautiful orphan of ten
In army surplus clothes
Alone in the city
Selling the Free Press to your friends
[Verse 2]
Watch as the Amazing Flying Fat
An overweight, out-of-work, drill press operator
Takes Patty into an abandoned parkin' lot
Then see her say, "Bob, flaming faggot
With orange hair, a pink face and a Chevrolet"
[Verse 3]
Meet Doll Debbie
A sex teen machine
While John Bullshit, world fabulous discoverer of talent
Uses his fabulous fab power
To get himself a date
[Verse 4]
And Mr. America stands in his one room
On his one chair
His hands in the air
Taking pictures of himself in a mirror
[Bridge]
(Goin' to leave Chicago, headed for L.A.)
(Goin' to leave Chicago, headed for L.A.)
(Goin' to leave Chicago, headed for L.A.)
[Verse 5]
Don't miss B.O.'s famous show within a show
Carol the snake charmer
Brenda the belly dancer
Out of the sword-swallowing GTO review
Bernard of the Body Sniffer *sniff sniff sniff*
Tinker Bat, teller of fortunes with tarot cards
May be the witch!
[Verse 6]
The three blind mice of Palisades High
The three kings of moonfire
Buddha, a mystic and many others
Demons, witches!
[Verse 7]
Here comes Smiley Superstar
With his travelin' toupee
His teeth in a jar
His hearing aid on record
And his vibrator workin'
They're all there, yeah
Folks, live and in person!
[Verse 8]
Calvin Chemistry
Danny Doper
And Flower, who drops six reds of rat poison
And is dead today
You'll meet them all!
And
[Verse 9]
You'll go down to the jolly bird's jail
After a ride on the sinkin' ship
With sirens on it
There you'll watch the drunk judge
Sober himself each mornin'
For clear-cut decisions
With Alka-Seltzer and a tomato fizz, fizz, fizz
[Verse 10]
There you'll watch Patty
Who's been beaten, raped and robbed
Put through many things
("Judge, not one bummer the whole beautiful summer!")