Spank

I don't remember the first time
But I think I survive
Probably better not to try to recall
'Cause it feeds it, yeah, it keeps it alive

There're specific things
Tthat I have to do
Day to day just to keep it at bay
You wouldn't believe if you knew

(Oh no, this isn't real)

(Oh no, this isn't real)
Here's a little secret
Here's the best part
This is gonna take me
Right back to the start
If I can't hear it
If it's out of mind
Wait until it settles
Comes 'round a second time

I don't remember the first time
But I think I survive
Probably better not to try to recall
'Cause it feeds it, yeah, it keeps it alive

(Oh no (no), this isn't real)
(Hmm)

(Oh no, this isn't real)
Here's a little secret
Here's the best part
This is gonna take me
Right back to the start
If I can't hear it
If it's out mind
Wait until it settles
Comes 'round a second time

I can feel it loom
Up into my head
It is in the room
Panicking in bed
I feel it coming on
Taking over view
Oh, please, not tonight
There's nothing I can do

This is bigger than me
This is in my fear
This is pitiful, yeah
I just disappear
Swells up all around me
Swallowed up inside
Sell me senses if it
Would make this subside

I can barely handle
I can pass the time
Staring through the curtains
Up into the sky
Where there is no
Depth perception
Keep preoccupied
Self deception

Nobody recognizes
It doesn't have a name
My brother is infected
He's acting just the same
Screaming like a siren
Up and down the hall
He just wants to stop it
He wants to end it all

I am just a child
I am nothing more
Than the basic functions
I am running from
I curl up and wallow
My distortion
Everything is
Disproportioned

Suddenly I wake
All is back again
Everything is closer
More or less the same
And I can't hear it
It's way out of mind
I will just forget this
'Til the next time