The Biggest Whatever

It got Old Joe Wiggins while returnin' a glance
Out to Bessiemae Hootin pa's place
About a mile out of town on the West Plains Road
He disappeared without a trace

They discovered his teeth, when the County Police
Made an investigation of the case
And Cousin Belle Simmons said that Sheriff Cartwright
Had the strangest look on his face

It was the biggest whatever that anybody ever saw
It was covered with fur and come a-rollin' in from Arkansas
It was 40 feet high, a gleam in its eye
And a picturfull patch on its craw
It was the biggest whatever that anybody ever saw

I saw old man Huntsel, who's a hundred and four
Yesterday at Ida Jaffet's house
He said it's much bigger now than when it carried off my cow
But it's not enough to worry about

He said, "Back before the war there were a whole lot more
But they never came this far south
He said, "I don't mind seein' one from time to time
But I hope it's not its regular route

It was the biggest whatever that anybody ever saw
It was covered with fur and come a-rollin' in from Arkansas
It was 40 feet high, a gleam in its eye
And a picturfull patch on its craw
It was the biggest whatever that anybody ever saw