Cardboard Man

[Verse 1]
Well I love the women
Y'know, they're so good at cooking
And I love the coloureds
They're just so damn good-looking
I even love the gays
Y'know, one does my hair-cutting
And when I see a pig's head
Y'know I think of nothing

[Chorus]
'Cause I'm a cardboard man
Yes I'm a cardboard man
Well my thoughts are all cardboard
I'm just like my old man

[Verse 2]
And I'm down with the kids
'Cause my facts are alternative
And I won Strictly Come Dancing
Oh, without even trying
And I've got a nasty coke habit
Good thing you know nothing about it
I've got medium-sized hands
There's no two ways about it

[Chorus]
I'm a cardboard man
I'm a cardboard cut-out
Yes, I'm a cardboard man
Oh I'm made of wet cardboard, white cardboard

[Verse 3]
My favourite metal is gold
My favourite liquid is water
My favourite gas is hot air
And I love Harry Potter
Y'know I'm a West Ham supporter
Or was it Aston Villa?
Well, you can see right through me
I'm like a glass of water

[Chorus]
'Cause I'm a cardboard man, man
Yes, I'm a cardboard man

[Verse 4]
Take a photo of me
Down your local boozer
I'm just an ordinary geezer
But with a Smeg fridge-freezer
And I care about everyone
As much as cardboard can
I didn't ask to be comfortable
Well, pity the white man
Y'know I'm a laid back guy
I never ask for trouble
But if you look at me funny
I'm gonna drop a bomb on your hospital

[Bridge]
And I did not have sexual relations with that woman
Or with that pig

[Outro]
Now throw tomatoes
At the cardboard man
Throw all your tomatoes
As hard as you can
And if you've got a lettuce
Well, you can throw that too
Oh, throw all your vegetables
At this cardboard fool