Merry Christmas from the Family

Mom got drunk and Dad got drunk
At our Christmas party
We were drinkin' champagne punch and home-made eggnog
Little sister brought her new boyfriend
He was a Mexican
We didn't know what to think of him
Till he sang "Feliz Navidad"
"Feliz Navidad"

Brother Ken brought his kids with him
The three from his first wife, Lynn
And the two identical twins from his second wife, Mary-Nell
He also brought his third wife, Kay
Who talks all about AA
Chainsmokin', while the stereo plays
Noel Noel, The First Noel

[chorus]
Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on
Mix margaritas when the eggnog's gone
Send somebody to the QuicPac store
We need some ice and an extension cord
A can of bean dip and some some Diet Rites
A box of tampons and some Marlboro Lights
Hallelujah, everybody say, "cheese!"
Merry Christmas from the family

Fred and Rita drove from Harlejin
I can't remember how I'm kin to them
But when they tried to plug their motorhome in
They blew our Christmas lights
Cousin David knew just what went wrong
So we all waited out on our front lawn
He threw the breaker
And the lights came on
And we sang "Silent Night"
Oh, "Silent Night"

Carve the turkey, turn the ballgame on
Mix Bloody Marys cause we all want one
Send somebody to the Stop N' Go
We need some celery and a can of fake snow
A bag of corn-nuts and some Diet Sprites
A box of tampons and some Salem Lights
Hallelujah, everybody say, "cheese!"
Merry Christmas from the family

Feliz Navidad