I Steal Everything

Want food but got no money
I'm screwed, or so it would seem
That's why I came up with this brilliant scheme
Just steal everything

For real, I'm not that picky
I'll steal whatever's in sight
Don't judge, 'cause you don't understand my plight

(Spoken) Hey, my crutch!
(Spoken) It's mine now, loser
I steal everything

Did you know that in this barbaric country
They only give you money if you work?
Thanks but no thanks, The Man
I'll keep stealing all I can
Instead of being a fascist, yuppy jerk

Hippy!
Fucker!
Slacker!
Sucker!

Who would seek employment
When life offers such enjoyment?

Anything I get I can get for free
Besides, the economy's shit
So I make haste when making exits
Get chased by a murderous mob
Hey man, still beats getting a job
Am I right?

Asshole!
Oh, wow
Douchebag!
Hey now!
Just one question, why man?
'Cause you stole my daughter's hymen

That's completely fair
But in my defense
(Spoken) Dude, your daughter's hot

I feel that it's my duty
To steal, 'cause stealing's an art
I'll steal clothing and shelter, whatever I lack
Candy from babies, the shirt off your back
Credit, identities, thunder, and scenes
Intellectual property, whatever that means

And if you look closer
This poor little orphan will steal your heart