In The Wind

Like a stray cat in the alleyway waiting for the scraps you’ll cast away
Like the grass leans toward the sun. The moon comes out and pulls the tides away
So close to understanding that the words danced on the tip of my tongue
But when I went to speak them fell just out of reach. What lesson to the wanting did the needing have to teach?

I found comfort on the bottom, having nowhere left to fall. Masked like a flower in the tall grass, or a robin’s nest inside a log. I am not what you had hoped for. I won’t amount to much of anything. I am not what you had hoped for
I’m not really anything

So why bother? Don’t build yourself a life
Don’t build yourself a wealth. Don’t bother
Why bother? Everything you build will burn
Everything you love will turn to dust

What great lesson were you trying to teach? What heavy veil had laid over my eyes?
What epiphany lied just outside of my reach? What great fool I had to become before I could see

I lined my nest like a bower bird with every sparkling thing I’d found
Made a burnt offering of all that I valued and hoped the scent might lure you out. But you were nowhere to be found. Just the echoes of my voice resound
You won’t be pure until you’ve surrendered everything you love
But I couldn’t surrender myself

Could a century of self-loathing undo the years of praise you gave to me. If I ran out into the ocean would your waves wash all the sins from my body?
The line between my fear and faith too blurred to define, so I’ll just close my eyes and pray for reprise, so I might repeat myself again and make all the same mistakes, over and over, for all eternity

Having nothing left only meant I had nothing left to lose, like a plant in the ground, just the dirt beneath my shoes. Like a pen without ink, I’m a well without water. Don’t cast your coins to me. The only life worth living was a life worth nothing at all, so don’t hand me a ladder to climb out of this hole. Woe is me, but in this woe I’m free, in the sweet comfort of the bottom, having nowhere left to fall