Birthday

[Verse 1: Whipstick, Mr. 8 Legz]
Yo, thank you so much for grabbing our ad out the paper
It seems kinda odd that you would hire total strangers
But you paid up front, so I’ll be perfectly blatant
We provide a super fun time, you’re in imminent danger, though
Just a couple masked dudes with SnapBacks and snack packs
Got one and he’s got a smorgasbord of tattoos
Let me even ask you, wanna go nuts like cashews?
Farted on the cake, I don’t want none ‘cause I have to
Woah, Woah, Woah, Yo
Pardon my partner, he gets a little bit nervous
Usually professional when we out here working
Know we forgot our invites, we’ve been paid for a service
If you could let us the fuck inside, you bitch, that’d be perfect
I don’t know their age but where’s the birthday person?
Gotta pop up out their cake and then punch them square in the sternum
And we already told them there’d be no touching, we assured them
Now your dads yelling at mom, tryna find out who referred them, but uh

[Chorus: Mr. 8 Legz, Whipstick]
Yeah, we doin’ birthday parties
Forget about reviews, they turn out gnarly
Yeah, yeah
And we’d be super sorry but
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?
Even if we show up fucked up like Jeff Hardy
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?
Only thing we bring is a fuck-ton of Arby's
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?

[Verse 2: Mr. 8 Legz, Whipstick]
Fuck a magician or a clown
We got you, dude!
Two drunk luchadores?
How does that not sound fun to you?
Look you fuckin' rookie, don't you dare cop a 'tude
I'll turn your ass to a cookie and eat that shit like Majin Buu
You don't believe in God? Find out which one you do
'Cause you're about to meet him and say some shit
Like how you always knew
How opportune?
That's the best gift that I can give you
A quick way off this planet instead of you fuckin' waitin' to
Blasted off the rockets! (Straight up!)
Through the stratosphere
This party's going to shit and you'll be blaming your dad for years
And if you are lucky, we'll be back in four years
I want you to have a meltdown in front of your peers
Nuclear, bitch, like the sum of all fears
Morgan Freeman can't help you (Don't dry those tears!)
Cry on your birthday in the worst way
Buck up, my little brother
We'll be back next Thursday

[Chorus: Mr. 8 Legz, Whipstick]
Yeah, we doin’ birthday parties
Forget about reviews, they turn out gnarly
Yeah, yeah
And we’d be super sorry but
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?
Even though we'll fuck it all up like Steve Harvey
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?
Feeding your kids a bunch of cake filled with molly
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?

[Verse 3: Bill Now the Science Cow, Mr. 8 Legz]
Umm, I'm not sure whose birthday it is
But I already took a shit in my pants
And I don't care at all
The kids are complaining about the smell
And how Momma hired a drunk cow
So technically, this your parents' fault
Bill Now The Science Cow coming through
It's a party now
Hey! You ain't fucking scheduled!
You need to get the fuck out, you stupid motherfucker!
Hey, to you (What?)
That's Mr. Mother-Utter(Shit!)
Also, Mother other musta hit one luchadore with a forty bottle
He hit the ground and I pissed myself
Working a kids birthday, I'm forty and I know
I should probably quit drinking and get some help
But instead I'm right here with a light beer and a slight buzz
I like drugs and drinking my own supply (Mmmm!)
For the sake of science, though
It's whole milk for life, It's Bill Now and I'm out hoooooo

[Chorus: Mr. 8 Legz, Bill Now The Science Cow]
Yeah, we doin’ birthday parties
Forget about reviews, they turn out gnarly
Yeah, yeah
And we’d be super sorry but
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?
I had sex with a few of my Barbies
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?
I jack off with cheddar sauce from Arby's
We're not the ones who invited us, now, are we?

[Outro: Bill Now The Science Cow]
Wait, wait
Is this real dairy?