From Here to Eternity

I got this wild woman lover, she's as strange as any other
And she's always making fun outta me
She got this foul-tempered, distempered, flea-infested dog
Who likes to sit and watch TV
He has this habit of destroying my guitars to get even with me, oh
But that's only after Stevie's put a boot in his face

Well my gal must weigh a ton but she insists that she'll never diet
I'd like to stick her with a pin to see her burst and some day I think I might
And when she leaps into the bath it's a belly-aching laugh
Oh it's something you all oughta see
And whenever she's hungry, she hits me with a cane
Oh she's such a barrel of fun
Oh that's why I'll hang around from here to eternity, oh forever

Well she beats me like a slave and in the yard she's even plotted my grave, can you believe it?
I been verboten, forgotten and I've always had my own life to save
When I was putting out the cat one night
She kicked me out and wouldn't let me get back in
It was seven below and I froze to the skin

Well she only relented when I swore she was the double of Brigitte Bardot
Then I had to make a little love but I wasn't too slow, you know
I coulda claimed I had another migraine but she'd only have yelled, oh
She treats me like a dog that she dragged in from a bog
Oh she's such a barrel of fun
Oh that's why I'll hang around from here to eternity

Oh she pokes out my eyes, surprise, surprise
Oh she's such a barrel of fun
That's why I'll hang around from here to eternity, ooh

Forever, she's such fun
She's a barrel of fun