Opening Doors [1994 Off-Broadway]

How's it going?

Good
You?

Fair

Yeah, tell me

Russian Tea Room

Hi

Mary

Say hello

I think I got a job

Where?

True Romances

Posing?

Thank you
Writing captions

What about the book?

What about the book?

Nothing, are you working on the book?

Yes

Good

No

Mary-

Right, I know, yes, me and Balzac

I finished the one-act

I got an audition-

I started the story

Rehearsal pianist

So where are we eating?

I'm moving to Playboy

The publisher called me

I'm doing a rewrite

My parents are coming

I saw My Fair Lady

I rewrote the rewrite

I sort of enjoyed it

I threw out the story

I'm meeting an agent

We'll all get together on Sunday
We're opening doors
Singing, "Here we are!"
We're filling up days on a dime
That faraway shore's
Looking not too far
We're following every star-
There's not enough time!

I called a producer

I sent off the one-act

I started the story

He said to come see him

I dropped out of college

I met this musician

I'm playing a nightclub

They're doing my one-act!

I'm working for Redbook

I rewrote the ballad

I finished the story

We started rehearsals

I threw out the story
And then the musician
I'm moving to Popular Science

We're opening doors
Singing, "Look who's here!"
Beginning to sail on a dime
That faraway shore's
Getting very near!
We haven't a thing to fear-
We haven't got time!

Bum-bum-bu-bum-bum bum-bum
La-da-da-da-da da-dum

How's it coming?

Good
You?

Done!

One minute

Hamburg Heaven

Hi

Mary

Say hello

I got another job

Where?

"Chic"

What's that?

A brand-new concept:
Pop-up pictures

What about the book?

What about the book?

Did you give the publisher the book?

Yes

Good

No

Mary-

Look, I never-

Finished!

Let me call you back

Right

This is just a draft

Right

Probably it stinks

Right

Haven't had the time to do a polish-

Will you sing!

Right!

Who wants to live in New York?
Who wants the worry, the noise, the dirt, the heat?
Who wants the garbage cans clanging in the street?
Suddenly I do
They're always popping their cork-
I'll fix that line-
The cops, the cabbies, the salesgirls up at Saks
You gotta have a real taste for maniacs-
Suddenly I do!

That's great! That's swell!
The other stuff as well
It isn't every day you hear a score this strong
But fellas, if I may
There's only one thing wrong:

There's not a tune you can hum
There's not a tune you go bum-bum-bum-di-dum-
You need a tune you go bum-bum-bum-di-dum-
Give me a melody!

Why can't you throw 'em a crumb?
What's wrong with letting 'em tap their toes a bit?
I'll let you know when Stravinsky has a hit
Give me a melody!

Oh sure, I know
It's not that kind of show
But can't you have a score
That's sort of in between?
Look, play a little more
I'll show you what I mean!

Who wants to live in New York?
I've always hated the dirt, the heat, the noise
But ever since I met you, I-

Listen, boys
Maybe it's me
But that's just not a
Hum-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mm-mable melody!
Write more, work hard-
Leave your name with the girl
Less avant-garde-
Leave your name with the girl
Just write a plain old melodee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee
A-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee

They're stopping rehearsals
They ran out of money

We lasted one issue
My book was rejected

The nightclub was raided
I have to start coaching

My parents are coming

They screwed up the laundry

My wallet was stolen

I saw the musician

We're being evicted

I'm having a breakdown

We'll all get together on Sunday
They're slamming the doors
Singing, "Go away!"
It's less of a sail than a climb
That faraway shore's
Farther every day
We're learning to ricochet
We still have a lot to say

You know what we'll do?

What?

We'll do a revue

What?

What?

We'll do a revue of our own!

What?

Where?

Why?

When?

Not just songs, but stories, scenes, piano pieces, mime-

Yeah!

"Frankly Frank!"

A showcase of our own!

Where?

The club's reopening

We'll write a lot of new stuff-

Rewrite old stuff-

What about the girl?

What about the girl?

Only that we're gonna need a girl

Well, Mary-

Thanks, I don't perform except at dinner
Who wants to live in New York?
Who wants the worry, the noise, the dirt, the heat?
Who wants the garbage cans, ah

Next!

I can sing higher!

Who wants to live in New York?
Who wants to live in New York?
Who wants
Who wants to
Oh

Thank you for coming

They're always popping their cork-

Up a tone

The cops, the cabbies, the salesgirls up at Saks-

Up a tone

You gotta have a real taste for maniacs-

Thank you! You're hired

Oh! I'm Beth

I'm Frank

I really thought I stank

I'm Mary

Charley

By the way
I'm told we open Saturday

What?!

You're not serious!

Nobody's ready!

Apparently somebody cancelled a booking

The songs aren't finished

And what about costumes?

And how do I learn all these numbers?

I'll bring you the copies of everything later this evening

Not to mention I still haven't
Finished the Synanon song or the Kennedy number

Okay, but I'll have to have all the music
And Saturday I've got to sing at a wedding
Oh God, is there dancing, 'cause I'm not a dancer

You don't have to, we'll segue the
End of it into the dance we cut out

And have we decided or not on the restaurant sketch?
I need two or three days at the least to replace it

And what'll we do about getting publicity
Run around town putting stickers on windows?

No, we'll use it but not with the long introduction

We'll worry about it on Sunday!

We're opening doors
Singing, "Here we are!"
We're filling up days on a dime
That faraway shore's looking not too far
We're following every star-
There's not enough time!

We're banging on doors
Shouting, "Here again!"
We're risking it all on a dime
That faraway shore's looking near again
The only thing left is when
We know we should count to ten-
We haven't got time!
We haven't got time!