Pretending to Be Drunk

This is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk
A little change in character, pretending to be drunk
You think I am weak and feeble, you think I'm a bore
When you drag me to a party, soon I'm out the door

Next time I'll portray a suave sophisticated hunk
That is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk
That is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk
A bit of "I have lived and loved," I'm pretending to be drunk

You say I could use some swagger, you say toughen up
I am rigid as a board, you tell me loosen up
I'm so loose and I'm so tough that I can barely move
That is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk
You notice a transformation, pretending to be drunk
I've lost all my inhibitions, pretending to be drunk

You can take me to the soiree and be proud of me
Everyone will be impressed, I'll pass out on your knee
Now I am so continental, they think that it's nice
Think I'll pretend to be drunk for the rest of my life
That is what I had intended, pretending to be drunk