The Ugliest Man in Town

Handsome guys get girls that are pretty,
Other guys make it cause they're clever and witty,
But the only love I ever got, I got out of pity,
'Cause I'm the ugliest guy in town.

Yeah, I drive down the road in a platinum car,
Use hundred dollar bills to light my cigar,
But still an' all, you know, that won't get you very far,
When you're the ugliest man in town.

There was a note on the doorstep where I was found,
Is said, "This sweet child weighs eleven pounds,
So bring him up healthy, wealthy and sound,
Keep his back to the light, don't let him turn around.

Yeah, all you women, you're heartless and cold.
All you want is my silver and gold.
Say now, don't you know I've got a beautiful soul,
Though I'm the ugliest man in town?

Yeah, I'm so ugly, I shave in the dark,
Kids start to cry when I walk through the park,
Clocks stop tickin' and dogs start to bark
Whenever I'm around.

Yeah, I walk down the street and the girls all hiss me,
If I died tomorrow, not one of them would miss me.
Only reason they ball me is they can't stand to kiss me.
I'm the ugliest man in town.

Oh, yeah, the ugliest man in town.