crashing

I've spent a long time running
Building up hopes so my thoughts stop budging
I've felt cut out of a life I was loving
If I can't see straight I won't see nothing
I don't get why I ain't adjusting
It's hard to tell if these days i'm bluffing
Thought it wouldn't be bad, but I just outdid it
Not a damn hope left so it's just good riddance
Cause I haven't felt like myself
Questioning life, is it good for my health?
I thought a bullet to the head would feel okay
If I took my own life I'd put my friends in shame
Yeah I know life's hard but I say it's fine
I really need somebody's help this time
If I can't steer straight then I might drift off
I just wanna be happy but I guess i'm not

Yeah it's been a long minute
I'd say how I feel, but it's hard to admit it
Cause there's no damn way I'd call this living
When the knife in my back just keeps on digging
I don't know why it's hard to escape
Am I insane to think you'll tell me that you're ready to change?
I'm searching through our memories, and there ain't nothing to save
So if I give up what we have would that rid the pain?
Yeah am I hard on myself?
Every time you get upset you turn to somebody else
And even though you think i'm worthless I know I could've helped
Was leaving me alone and hopeless just a part of your spell?
It's like a part of me is thinking that I'm going insane
There ain't a remedy to cure a fucking ounce of the pain
I guess losing what we had was just a part of your game
And even after all this time you still have nothing to say

I am not focused, yeah I am broken
Thinking bout shit you left unspoken
Staying on track thats part of the motion
Tryna stay afloat six deep in the ocean
Thats devotion
That's what's grossing
Tryna blame me for being more open
These days I can't tell who's joking
Know if I'm gone that's what you're hoping
Yeah it starts with a text
Then it moves to the next
You must've forgot your passion
I thought you were the best
No way i'd attest
Cause it ain't my brand of fashion
Just imagine if this had gone down exactly how you planned
Then you'd be happy on your own, and I could be a better man

I step through the ashes
Of all the blind pain and sadness
When you call me I don't pick up
Cause I only make time for my dreams and passions
Yeah I know that we could've lasted
I'm sorry that didn't really happen
But at least you came out happy
At the moment I'm still crashing
Yeah cause I can't look you in the face when I see the way you burnt my pride
And I know that all of these fears are the reason why I'm thinking bout
How I could be so blind
For the way you talk to me
Were you wrong for me?
I know you couldn't give your all for me
Every night I hear you call for me
I just wish I didn't give you all of me

I'm not down with the sickness
Mind is the witness
Maybe I thought we'd go the distance
Begged for the simplest things
Yeah we both know you never even knew my interests
That's the difference
You kept switching up your mind till you were twisted
Maybe this could work in time but I know you'll just throw me in the dirt

Yeah in the dirt
Yeah, yeah, aye
I see you switching up your mind so this could work
No this won't work
It'll never work
Yeah