sweaty palms..

I'm just a kid who needs his mom
Who calls her every other day just to see if she can talk,
Cuz she's a safe place for me to let down all my walls,
And feel it all, YES
And when we talk,
I walk her through the halls and corridors of my inner world,
And we explore it all
And even talk about her future, um, daughter in law
That we haven't even met yet,
Cuz I'm still scared to talk to pretty girls
I think about it in my head but then forget to use my words
So we're always only friends
And then
the good ones go, and it hurts
She always ask me "what for"
When I tell her I'm not dating yet
I'm barely 24
And slightly still scared of the marriage bed
And of divorce
With a smorgasbord of things I can't forget
Like
One day I'm gonna die
And there's a million things I haven't done yet
Like
Find a wife
And that's alright
Cuz
I'm the kid with sweaty palms
Before I shake your hand, I'll probably try to wipe them off
And probably keep them in my pockets if we ever take a walk
Its not my fault
No not at all
Its just what happens when I'm nervous or uneasy
I'm, I'm, I'm
Cool calm collected on the surface when you see me
But inside behind the smile that you're seeing
There's a heart that's somehow beating
With a human who is sinking in his feelings
And drowning in what he's thinking
I'm thinking
maybe I'm just not enough or I'm too much
Or maybe I'm just perfect and still learning that I'm worth it and deserving of love
I'm thinking maybe we could fall in love
And she won't mind my sweaty palms
Or want for me to wear a mask
In fact she'll help me take it off
Or maybe not
Either way
I've still got sweaty palms
Maybe its because I'm scared to do it wrong
Like if I try then I could fail
And maybe we'd be better off
If I would just, not
Yeah I've got sweaty palms
Cuz I'm scared to do it wrong
Like if I try then I could fail
And maybe we'd be better off
If I would just, not
But I'm a kid who talks to God
Like back and forth
Off an on
But I never stop for long
I call Him dad, he calls me Ronnie
I tell Him that I'm sorry I don't have it figured out
And I feel bad because I probably should by now
He'll prolly try to calm me down and
Reassure me that he loves me and that he's just hella proud
And now
Hell can't make a sound
Cuz I know who my daddy is
I know I'm his kid with sweaty palms in need of oxygen
But He makes me brave like I've been puffin on some confidence
Used to medicate but now I locate where the problem is
So I eliminate any option tryna stop me on this road to where the garden is
Cuz I'm a kid who talks to God
And yes I fall but I've been getting well acquainted with the cross
And if I ever get to Eden
I'm tying nooses loose enough to fit the the necks of all my demons
As I hang em from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil
For their treason and deceiving all the people needing freedom in cathedrals
And I'm so tired of being quiet
Because silence isn't peaceful
I'm on pins and needles for the bride of Christ to leave the steeple
Cuz He is life and he is home
But ya know
Even though I talk to God, I've still got sweaty palms
And even though I've got my mom, I feel alone
I'm tryna find out who I am and understand, but maybe I don't have to know
Maybe I don't need a hand to hold to feel whole
Maybe I could find some peace of mind leaving mine in the hand with holes
Maybe I could find some peace of mind leaving mine in the hand with holes
Maybe that could be my hand to hold