Benaz

You see
Things dipped in Benaz's life when
Dad crashed his car lost minicab license
He picked fights with Ma
He'd drink nights at bars
Wished he had a son
Redundant and drunk
Benaz tried stopping from shoving her mum around
So now he beats her like it makes him proud

The fat lips meant she had to quit Topshop
And now they beef and argue nonstop
She won't marry some freshie cousin, she's telling him
He's only in it for the passport and benefits
But Dad doesn't get it or wanna
You see
He's an immigrant with nothing, so his currency's honor
He already promised the relative she would be the bride for his son
Her second cousin said it would please her
But the young girl doesn't think like the geeza
She won't let him shut away her heart like a dealer
Mum backed her up and he left it
But to him this is worse than death, disrespected

So now she doesn't work but she runs domestics
Then one day at Tescos who woulda guessed it
The self-service checkout wasn't workin'
Then, outta nowhere, "Can I help you, ma'am?"
Get the hell out
It's her first crush from primary school
Haven't met since then, but when she smiles he still drools
"Long time, no see"
"Yeah, the irony"
Cool
Soon, buying milk and eggs becomes a nightly excuse

His name's Akin
An orphan, ain't got many friends
Suits Benaz, she stays low key in the ends
He's not the usual wannabe macho guy with the Benz
He's studying optometry, skinny, not hench
He examines her green eyes, his heart does breakbeats
Smiles are swapped, soon, they find place to creep
They walk deep in woods, where grass carpets feet
Phone bills grow in the dark, half-asleep

It's the real deal, he wanna do it proper
Puts on best suit, knocks on door to ask the old codger
Akin asks her dad and he makes a little speech
But all he gets is a no, like a kick in the teeth
'Cause his grandad's from the wrong tribe or village
He's from the wrong subset of the same religion
It's not a way to pick for yourself like you're the English
"Don't ever try to see her again, this is finished."

But love's persistent
Benaz and Akin can't resist magnetism
She feels so blue, but he soothes the hurt
Says they can't stop love and calls her his little Smurf

But soon they're seen by boys from the community
That go out and fuck white girls with impunity
Oh, gee! Misogyny meets old school hypocrisy
"What we do is fine, but our women must live honestly."
Word spreads, other people's whispers twisted
This innocent love into sinful kisses
"Control your daughter, what an awful family"
"She already backed out of a marriage and now she sleeps with any old boy."
Truth is, she's a virgin, yeah
But gossip is rarely the true version
Hurting the family the name is like losing the life savings
So Dad collects payment as bailiff
Pounds her flesh, blood speckles all over the loo
Words can break bones and turn your eyes blue
She zones out, goes numb as he kicks and slaps her
She listens to that rained down pitter and patter
The same pitiful rhythm of hypocritical chatter
From those who call her "whore, slut, bitch" and slap her
No matter

She has a special concealer for these mornings
Applies to eyelids while the violent are yawning
Dawn brings a silence, she holds it close
She's a lily in its lake and for now, she floats
With faith in her heart, she thinks
Maybe she should just play a part
In some imaginary poets tragic heart
'cause she's not gonna live a half life
She cleans pus from her hard eye
Smiles in the mirror, decides
Her choice either disobey Dad and risk death
Or prison jailed in her own home and sit there
She thinks, "Yes, I'll run away with Akin."

Sends text, wears frown as crown, such a pitiful princess
Says "Meet me in the forest if you honestly love me
Before dawn comes and the sky's still lovely
Dad beat me up again, I want you to hug me
We gotta run away, bring clothes and money."
'Cause she knows she's good
She's fed up of should
She puts on her red hood and rides into the woods

[HOOK]
If I knew I'd live in shame
Just to be near you
I would do it all again
I would do it all again

If I knew I'd feel this pain
Just to be near you
I would do it all again
I would do it all again

When she went into the woods that day she was in for a big surprise
A bunch of guys from 'round the way
Drunk after a rave
Spied them both with suitcases running away
They'd gotten away
Like hyenas fast upon them
As if drunk sleazebags must guard her honor
Some of them knew her cousin, so they grassed her properly
To the family. What Daddy did could pass for horror
She lost use of her right eye
Eats through a straw
Right leg in a plaster at the hospital ward

Akin sneaks in to visit her with scars on his jaw
From where Benaz's cousin's knuckles waged a war
He cries, and he draws a little heart on the plaster
Puts a kiss on her eye, tells her now it will heal faster
She said "I told doctors that I happened to fall over
It's funny you call me Smurf, now I'm blue all over
Be strong, my love, and try not to cry
And from on don't call me Smurf, you should call me Popeye."

He says, "No more jokes. This mess must stop."
Convinces her she has to get some help from the cops
"I've tried twice when they beatin' me, they heard the screams
But Mum says that we don't need police, they turn and leave"
But Akin brought a constable with him
So Benaz spills the beans in the hospital
Sittin' there with her drip and the stitches
But it's clear that after six minutes he thinks that she's fibbing
Isn't really trusting his witness
He says, "The nurse told me that you fell down the stairs
Now you're changing your story
And though I see that you're scared
Your parents are crying
It doesn't make sense what you said
I can't put you in protection 'cause there's nothin' proven yet
Try going to a women's shelter
There isn't one nearby?
It shut down? Well, sorry, I can't help ya
Well, don't try and live with your fella
If anyone bothers you over there, well
You can just give us a bell, love
But it seems to me like you just want a council house
Stop wasting police time, please, that's all for now"

And as PC Plod is leaving, her family sees him
They creep in the ward silently seething
Benaz can't control her breathing, knows it's open season now
But she's too proud to plead with them
Akin asks them to leave
That they even came is hard to believe
Squares up to her father and grits teeth
Uncles and cousin, brothers are ready to rough him up
But her mother steps forward, say "No, let's discuss it."

"Come home, Benaz. I fought for you once
And if you really want this man as your husband
Then I'll trust him."
Her father apologizes, tries touching her, mumbling
His agony for her to move out the way, but she doesn't
He says, "Akin, what I did is hard to forgive, I understand
But if your heart is as big as she thinks it is
Don't make her choose between you and her family."
Her mom says, "It's alright, but my child, Benaz don't abandon me

Stranded, she feels primeval attraction
Her genes hanker for family
Sees hope in the old man's defeat
She wonders if her mother might collapse if she leaves
Breathe deep, says she'll give it a try, at least
Akin can't believe it, but he follows her lead
Makes peace, shakes hands, an uncomfortable squeeze
Benaz's one eye swells up in relief
If justice is blind, hope looks with one eye (and leaps)

[HOOK]
If I knew I'd live in shame
Just to be near you
I would do it all again
I would do it all again

If I knew I'd feel this pain
Just to be near you
I would do it all again
I would do it all again

She waddles through the door on crutches
Rushed in from hospital
They promised her the wedding would come quick
Dad says, "There's flowers and food to choose, come pick."
Her heart throbs
She half hops and half runs in
But something doesn't quite fit
"Why are the curtains shut, Ma, and why don't you sit?"
There's an empty suitcase but the handles are ripped
White cloth lines the inside, freshly stitched

Akin was told to go wait at the mosque with the ring
She's home alone, feels the walls closing in
He said he'd call her when he gets there but her phone don't ring
And in that moment, she knows, her dad planned the whole thing

Akin got rushed by her cousins
Bottled by the one she wouldn't marry
Who wishes that she loved him
He tried struggling
But seven of them all punching him
He bleeds 'til his blood runs thin
Eyes shut, lights dim

Benaz is on her own again
Silence falls
Reminds her of dawn
Her heart blinks, Mum starts to cry
Her mask slips, "How far can I help you, the way you behaved
You asked for it."
Dad just stares and broods
Then he bends down, starts to undo the lace from his shoes
Holds them between his fists like an improvised noose
Benaz nods and then she lets a fire run loose

Swings her crutch far
She screams and chucks vase
"Fuck you, Fuck your honor, what about my heart?"
Her dad's on top of her now and he's blocking her arms
He's stopping her from scratching and bottles her hard
He's sitting on her leg as she gasps
She won't give up 'til the last
Legs broken, arms pinned, so she spits on the bastard
Blood gathers in her face
The pressure presses against
The neck and Dad tightens it and mumbles a prayer
Knuckles whiten
The lace frays
That windpipe tries to be brave, but
Now not even love can save her

Laces tighten around the neck
A world darkens
Cuts into her flesh
As her arteries harden
The sound of her mum screaming distorts the laughter
The last thing she sees, the weeping face of her father

Eyes close
And her thoughts drift off as they do
To the memory of her daddy tying her shoes
By the school gates
But now he dumps her dead in a suitcase
Buries her in the garden with no mark on the youth's grave

They call police, say she just disappeared
They plead on T.V. and it's unsolved for years
Akin is brain-damaged, sleeps rough on the streets
He goes mad like Majnu, I know it's tough to believe
But he sleeps on concrete and in the dark he grieves
Although he doesn't know why, he can feel his heart bleed
When he closes one eye, he can almost half see
In his mind is something lost, but he'll never find peace

Police find the body in the end
They say they're sorry and forced marriage and honor killings must end
People say the parents are thugs
But they still fuck girls, then judge girls
Say they should wear hijabs
And soon enough, the cycle restarts

So play this to your mates
Based on a true story of Benaz
Dedicated to her and a hundred other pieces of grass
'Til the end of forever, there are no lasts
'Cause in the corner of some English field
Lies the true price of love

[HOOK}
If I knew I'd live in shame
Just to be near you
I would do it all again
I would do it all again

If I knew I'd feel this pain
Just to be near you
I would do it all again
I would do it all again