Modern Marriage

I promise not to rip you off
And I promise not to sell you out
I will never smoke all your
Stash if I happen to
Find it whilst tidying up -
Which, let's face it, isn't likely
Well, we would always leave you
At least a joint's worth, anyway
And I will never eat the last bit of cereal
And then put the empty packet
Back, hoping you won't notice, or if I
Do, I'll pay for the next lot, i promise
'Cos I know that really gets on your nerves
And I will never sleep with any
Of your friends - well
Not your best friends

I don't know just what I'm meant to do
I don't want to make it wrong for you
How can we escape what's happened to
All those others who've gone before us two?
Baby, we have lived together
Now we'll do it all forever
Hold my hand, don't ever let it go
Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go

And how do we avoid being like
All those other cheese masters?
Demonstrating the facilities of their new
Car and the trouser press
From hunter-gatherer to washer-dryer
Is a long, strange trip
And what if our kids turn into
Pudgy blobs, wearing Union Jack underpants
Addicted to coffee whitener?
Bloated caricatures of something
Vaguely recognisable as a human being
A human being that you once loved

I don't know just what I'm meant to do
I don't want to make it wrong for you
How can we escape what's happened to
All those others who've gone before us two?
Baby, we have lived together
Now we'll do it all forever
Hold my hand, don't ever let it go
Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go

So this is it: We're walking down the aisle
The dawning of a new era
Is this the start of
A new airbrushed Disney-life
Or some 36 part depressing-as hell
Northern drama to be
Repeated every night for the
Rest of our lives? Oh and now I'm frightened
Oh yeah, I'm shitting Barratt houses here
Is this the right thing?
And then suddenly I'm turning to look
At your face and I'm saying:
"I do", "I do", "I do"

I don't know just what I'm meant to do
I don't want to make it wrong for you
How can we escape what's happened to
All those others who've gone before us two?
Baby, we have lived together
Now we'll do it all forever
Hold my hand, don't ever let it go
Close your eyes, hold tight, and here we go

I do