Loathe thy Neighbor
Picture an elderly lady peeking through her blinds
You wave her a friendly hello while she glares with judging eyes
Her glasses held by chains on pointy 1960s frames
They help her see your faults as she's squinting with disdain
A retired English teacher with an overwhelming fragrance
Still alive, too stubborn to die, and death don't have the patience
She has more cats than children by an order of magnitude
And whenever she loses at bingo, she takes it out on you
Oh, hello
Good afternoon Ms. Bendersnatch, I really like your dress
Wonderful weather we're having today, isn't it?
Calls the cops on her rotary phone
Every time you try to mow the lawn
Close your blinds, lock your doors (evil wench)
I mind my business, now you mind yours (nosy bitch)
Keep to yourself and stay off my grass (cranky hag)
Now get off my porch and get off my ass (yeah)
Get off my ass, go back inside
Stay in your home, leave me alone
Imagine a jerk in his 40s
In front of the broke down house that he rents
Not all that bright, chugging natural light
Flicking cigarette butts over your fence
Screaming all day at his beat up truck
That he always fails to repair
More stains on his shirt than teeth in his mouth
And he doesn't seem to care
A former high school quarterback
With delusions of long past glory
Blasts 80s crap from his Pontiac
As he tells you his whole life story
He parks and blocks my driveway
Then dumps his cup of tobacco spit
Setting fireworks off after midnight?
I'm about to lose my shhhh-temper
Hey man, can I borrow your weed-whacker?
I got piss-drunk last night, woke up this morning
And for some reason mine's on the dang roof
Mows his lawn at 2 AM (I shit you not)
He likes me but I hate him
Deadbeat Dad, he doesn't pay child support
He looks like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force (hehehe)
Close your blinds, lock your doors (fucking hick)
I mind my business now you mind yours (stupid douche)
Keep to yourself and stay off my grass (eat a dick)
Now get off my porch and get off my ass
Get off my ass, go back inside
Stay in your home, leave me alone
Hello, who's unsightly trailer is this? It must be removed
Well, it's OUR trailer in OUR driveway
It diminishes property value of this prestigious community and will not be tolerated
Dude, uh, sir, this lady's cat shits in our flower-bed, this guy flicks cigarette on our lawn and YOU'RE worried about a trailer
Next you're gonna complain about our bird house
Ahhh, thank you for bringing this matter to our attention
Your inferior birdhouse isn't properly sunk
You have brought forth the full discontent of the Home Owners Association Socialist Party
The birdhouse will have to be eliminated
We all hate the HOA
All the homes, they look the same
The mortgage states the house belongs to me
You need to chill the fuck out
And get off of my property
Quit changing the channel on my television set, I know it was you
I saw you through my blinds
Shut up!
Some are so friendly, but some of them are enemies
Makes me neurotic and keeps me on guard
Battling those neighbors with tolerant diplomacy
Tempts me to empty my bleach on their yard
I pour bleach on your yard
I spelled bitch on your lawn
That's right, fuck your grass
Loathe thy neighbor
I can't nap with that mowing racket day and night