The World's a Stage (A Dramady)

Yeah, yeah yeah, thank you for having me.
MY girl is cheap. She's so cheap......
I told her to goes to Blockbuster,
and rent me FIVE FINGERS OF DEATH!
(crowd laughs)
She come back with FOUR fingers!
(crowd laughs)

I was like "AIN'T THAT A BIP!"
You know what I'm sayin?
So, so I'm watchin' Barney, right...."OOOII LOOOVE YOUUUUU....."
And, and the nigga just have a heart attack!
(crown laughs loudly and cheers)

So....so, I go into Foot Locker cause I want some new shoes!
I take my shoes off, everybody fall out.
(crowd laughs)
Got me some new Timbs, some Nikes, some socks, everythang!

And lemme see, lemme see....

Oh yeah, oh yeah ohyeahyeah, I'm at the gas station.....
This nigga come up....wipin' my windows, askin me do I have 50 cents?
I told him 'no!'

(crowd laughs loudly and cheers)

Ahhh, ah, ah, eh eh, oh OOOOOUUURH....yeah.

Mister Shaquiiiiile O'Neal!
Give it up for this guy, ladies and gentlemen!

(crowd laughs loudly)

Boy got a shoe size of a milk carton.
Ten gallon hat wearin'......
(crowd continues laughing)
So...so....so I'm at Pathmark buyin' lightbulbs, right?
And I see this ooold girl I wanted to get back with in high school....
Still wearing those same curlers......
Slippers and a bathrobe.
Talkin bout "I'se hungry!"

(crowd laughs)

Uh, how come all the,
only the 500 pound women want to go in the diet section?

(ha ha ha ha, I DON'T KNOW HOW THE ....)

Yeah, um, so, um....so.....
I saw your mother the other day, right.....right...
She had on this sweatshirt!
It said....U.C.L.A. on it!
I was like "Well GODDAMN! I didn't know YOU went to college!
She said "I didn't! My name is Ucla!"

(crowd laughs and cheers wildly)

Mother's feet so long....
she sit on the top of the Golden Gate Bridge, and get her toes wet!

(crowd continues laughing)

Play hopscotch like this:
Connecticut....Maine.....Boston...Mississippi....
Big short neck havin'.....
so, so lazy, live on the 5th floor, got in the elevator...
Pushed 2 twice and then....
twice and then said "fuck it!" Walked up the steps.

Teeth so yellow I can make lemonade with it!

(crowd laughs loudly)

I mean....like Wu-Tang say,
"Sunshine falls upon a rainy day.....skies aregrey"

(they're laughing at me)
(they're laughing at me)
(they're laughing at me)
(stop laughing!)
(stop it! stop laughing!)