Talking Airplane Disaster

[Verse 1]
Well, once I heard some people say
If you gotta travel there's just one way
You gotta leave the ground, gotta go through the air
Gotta find a pilot and pay your fare
You gotta sail through the sky
In other words, you gotta fly

[Verse 2]
Yes, statistics show it's the way to go
Well, it's safer than your car, you know
Yes, It's safer than your home, safer than your street
About the safest place to put your feet
Statistics don't lie
But statistics don't die, either

[Verse 3]
Well, once I heard Bob Dylan say
You gotta take a train, it's the only way
Well, nothin' ever happens to trains at all
There was just one accident he could recall
Plane crashed into it
People flying in all directions then

[Verse 4]
So one day when the sky was blue
I boarded a plane and off we flew
Well, I looked out the window, insurance in my hand
Just like Columbus searching for land;
Swearin' I'd never fly again
Just like the last time

[Verse 5]
Then one of the stewardesses ambled by
And suddenly I wasn't afraid to die
Well, she brought me coffee, pillows and tea
Said, "You're as safe as you could be"
She said there's nothing to worry about
Then she flew out the door somebody forgot to close right

[Verse 6]
Well, the plane kept going higher and higher
I could swear both the wings were on fire
So I opened up the cockpit door
And the pilot was a-layin' on the floor
With the other stewardess
Said, "Fly now and pay later"

[Verse 7]
Then the plane dropped down about a mile or two
She lurched about, I swore I was through
Well, my stomach was heavin', it was tied in a knot
Little paper bag was all I got
That's the bag I'm in
Pilot said we hit an air pocket
Must've been a pocket with an awful big hole in it

[Verse 8]
Well, at last the trip was near the end
The airport was comin' around the bend
But all my anxious eyes could see
Was a thousand planes in the vicinity
They was landin' and leavin' and wavin' at each other
Wing to wing and brother to brother
Well, the pilot was swearin' and swervin' around
But he said, "Don't worry gang, we have radar
Somewhere on the ground"
I wasn't worried
I was crawlin' up the aisle
Screamin' "Jesus saves"

[Verse 9]
Well, the trip didn't do me too much harm
But I did spend a year on the happy farm
Well, they couldn't understand why I kissed the ground
Chewed the concrete, swallowed it down
Sure tasted good
Like LaGuardia dirt should