You Can Dress ’Em Up (But You Can’t Take ’Em Out)

Well they won't comb their hair, it won't make a dent
Buy 'em new clothes, it might make 'em dead
You take 'em to church all they do is squirm
Well, you take 'em fishin' and they eat the worm

My mama knew what she was talkin' about
You can dress 'em up but you can't take them out

Got one pair of pants, and that's no lie
Been wearin' that shirt since 1965
Take the Queen of England for ribs in a truck
Don't know Sears or Roebuck

My mama knew what she was talkin' about
You can dress 'em up but you can't take 'em out

Fartin' in restaurants, burpin' in the movies
Ain't took a bath since people said "Groovy"
Lord have mercy, what will the neighbors say
Even the dog says they stink

If you do, if you do, if you do take 'em out
All they do is scream, all they do is shout
Best to leave 'em at home in the front yard
Wearin' down their hair, suckin' up lard

Buy 'em flea collars and books on etiquette
You'd have better luck tryin' to cash a million dollar check
Well, it ain't no use, the cast is die
And the thing on his head once said hi

My mama knew when she was talkin' about
You can dress 'em up but you can't take 'em out

You know, you just can't take 'em out anywhere
They won't behave
Don't act right
Act like a bunch of hoodlums
They're wearin' that shirt that's got mold growin' around the armpits and stuff
They just don't know nice people when they meet 'em, lemme tell ya

Well, my mama knew what she was talkin' about
You can dress 'em up but you can't take 'em out
You can dress 'em up but you can't take 'em out