What Do We Do? We Fly!

[Chorus]
Friends tells me
"Never go by plane"
I tell friends
"Flying is insane"
We agree
We would rather die
We see a brochure
And sign for a tour
And what do we do? We fly!

[Bridge]
You have to go to the airport so early these days
I think it takes longer to get through security than it does to fly to Tahiti

[Verse 1]
It starts the minute you check in
Departure time is at noon
A cup of tea and a schneken
And "Quick, it's leaving soon!"
One o'clock and you're at the gate
Two o'clock and your flight's still late
Whеn you finally leave, it's eight
And what do wе do? We fly, we fly!
What do we do? We fly!

[Chorus]
I hate planes
Sitting three abreast
I hate planes
Never get a rest
I hate planes
I hate every single one
The crossing was rough
Which wasn't enough
The fun hadn't yet begun

[Bridge]
Don't you just love it when you're in your cramped little seat
And the person in front of you suddenly decides to take a nap?
Don't get me wrong, usually I like someone's head in my lap

[Verse 2]
The seat was throwing my back out
But there I was with a book
When suddenly there's a blackout
And everywhere I look
Is a close-up of Doris Day
Ninety minutes of Doris Day
There was nothing to do but pray
And how do we go? We fly! Why?
How do we go? We fly!

[Bridge]
Actually, I would welcome a Doris Day movie on a flight. Wouldn't you?
On one of my trips I got to watch The Last Temptation of Christ
In Korean

[Chorus]
I hate planes (I agree)
Most of all the sound
I hate planes (You're like me)
Even on the ground
Can't stand planes
I hate even more than those
The kids in the aisle
Surrounding you while
Their parents pretend to doze

[Bridge]
I don't think airlines allow babies on board unless they promise to cry

[Verse 3]
The kid I noticed the first was
The one who stood on my feet
The kid I hated the worst was
The one who kicked my seat
There was one on the left who bit
There was one on the right who spit
There was one in the back I hit
And what did we do? We flew! Ooh!
What did we do? We flew!

[Bridge]
Okay, I have a confession to make
Once on a flight to London
My own child projectile-vomited onto the man sitting in front of us
Three times!

[Chorus]
I hate planes (I agree)
Never can adapt
I hate planes (You're like me)
Always feel a draft
Can't stand planes
I hate most of all the chow
To know what is what
Is difficult but
I think I've discovered how

[Bridge]
Of course, good luck getting a meal on any flight these days
But if you do, I suggest you remember the following

[Verse 4]
The shiny stuff is tomatoes
The salad lies in a group
The curly stuff is potatoes
The stuff that moves is soup
Anything that is white is sweet
Anything that is brown is meat
Anything that is gray—don't eat
And what do we do? We fly! Why?
What do we do? We fly!

[Bridge]
And can we talk about fees?
You have to pay to check your bag
You have to pay to get a seat
Pretty soon you're gonna have to pay to pee!

[Verse 5]
You're zooming up like a comet
Your ears are starting to ring
Your neighbor's starting to vomit
There's ice along the wing
As you wait for your palms to dry
You can see your whole life flash by
And they tell you it's fun to fly
Your chance of survival's so remote
You're far better off to cut your throat
But who has the time to take a boat?
What do we do? (What do we do, what do we do?)
We fly!