Inner Thoughts

Struggling in High School
Debating if I should go to college
Mainly cuz I lack the motivation
Not cuz I don't have the knowledge
School in general just kinda bores me
So I just don't think it's for me
But then again ion know what is
Seem like Everybody got they future set
I still ain't come to my conclusion yet
Cause Some wanna be doctors, scientists,
Or maybe even actors
And response to all of those occupations
I say "I'm trying to be rapper"
Or I say "I wanna make music"
To be honest when I say it out loud
My future sound kinda stupid
But I might as well stick to this
Cause ion know what else to chose s***
I ain't got much else to really do s***
Cause I'm a lazy kid ion do s***
But y'all don't care long as I drop some
New s***
So again I ask myself what is
My whole life been full of what ifs
What if I ain't have a lazy eye
What if I wasn't so damn shy
What if I could've been that guy
My life shouldn't feel this difficult
What if all my problems were minimal
What if I wasn't still stressing over girls
I liked since middle school
I find it funny how the
Jokes on me
Cuz they all got mans
Jokes on me
Cuz they all got plans
Jokes on me
Cuz they all got mans
And they all got plans
And they all got jobs
So they all make bands
And I'm just stuck here with all my friends
Who I stand out from in the worst way
I've been feeling like I'm in my worst days
These thoughts rarely be hitting me
So I be acting like the s*** to get to me
But on a real it's f*** with me mentally
Ion know how long I can keep acting this
Pretending like I'm some horny spazz nd s***
Just so I can make people laugh and s***
The same parts of me I embrace
Are the same parts of me I hate
I always found that s*** strange
But no matter how many times
I say it out loud
Lord knows I'll never change
By the world I feel rejected
I think I might have an infection
Should probably go and get tested
But it's too late
My signs of depression been manifested
But ima get up outta here anyways
Cause I know damn well y'all ain't invested
I been
Struggling in high school
Debating if I should go to college
Mainly cuz I lack the motivation
Not cuz I don't have the knowledge
A lot of things just kinda bores me
I still don't know what's good for me
And ion ever think I'll find what Is