Gift-Giving

What the hell is this? Russia?

You know, you give out top notch
Top-of-the-line, fancy Christmas gifts
For Christmas
And folks just toss 'em aside like
A plate of tomat-ers shoot
See if I spend good money
Anymore on my ungrateful relatives

So I didn't wrap 'em up
Fancy big deal! I didn't
Have no tape and I had to get rid of
Some of them Winn-Dixie bags and
That set of fingernail clippers
I give my brother wasn't no easy gift to
Get god dang! I stood in
Line for damn near 25
Minutes at the Lil' Champ
To get them sumbitches
At least I made an effort
For Christmas he ain't
Еven give me nothing but pain in thе ass

Then, my sister oh boy she gets mad
'cause I gived her Mexican boyfriend
A set of jumper cables and one
Of them car deodorant crowns what
The hell? It's for his dashboard i thought
That'd be nice! You know? But
No, I get bitched at, and for
What? Giving practical gifts hell
I don't know what Mexicans want
For Christmas they's always
Bitching for something asking for
Jumper cables or joints
Or something and I'll be
Damned if I'm sticking
A bag of seedless under the Christmas tree

I do apologize to my little nephew, though
For forgetting to poke holes in that
Box I put her hamster in
Poor little hamster i should've put it
Under the tree early damn
Thing must have died quick 'cause we had to
Have have little Doreen open it up
Two days before Christmas 'cause
It was starting
To stink and collect ants next time
I'm gonna be more careful
With the breathing gifts