Faith Healers and Weight Problems

You ever see that faith healer
Benny Hinn? You ever
See that dude? That guy pisses me
Off if you like him
God bless you i think he's a
Fake but here's what he
Does: crippled people come up
To his stage like
This you watch it, it's on the
Damn TV! And he goes
'Be healed!' Poof! And he hit's these
Crippled people in the head and
They fall down like
A stuck hog, and I'm watching i'm like
'This feller is sucker-punching
Crippled people!' Alright?
He gets his kicks out
Of sucker-punching crippled people and
It's pissing me off!
And my grandma likes him she's like
'You leave him alone and don't say
Nothing in your program he is
Healing people! I just saw
Three crippled people get up out
Of a wheelchair' yeah
They think he's gonna come over and
Beat the hell out of 'em
That's why they get out
Of the wheelchair! You
Show me one verse in the
Bible where the Lord's running
Around punching crippled folks it
Ain't in the Bible
Not even in the red words

We took my cousin up to the church he was
Feeling bad and he he really wanted to, uh
Apologize
For what he did he got his weiner stuck in
A birdhouse at the zoo and and, uh yeah
It was horrible he would've
Got away with it but some
Women looking at birds
Thought they'd seen a beer-bellied
Woodpecker in there, so so they caught
Him in there
Dangling in there so we went up to
The church to ask forgiveness and
We was in there, i seen the funniest
Thing I've ever seen in my life
Other than seeing my cousin dangling from a
Woodpecker, OK? Uh old Lady Hunsicker's in
Our church, alright? She's 390 pounds
About 4 foot 11 and she got up to sing
A solo in the choir she's like the
Whole choir in one clump, alright? I
Mean, her choir robe had cupholders
Alright? And you know what she
Sung? 'Love Lifted Me'
Love a crane couldn't have lifted
Her! And my cousin nudges
Me and goes, 'Love ain't lifting
Her without a winch
I tell you that much right now!'

Yeah, but I shouldn't talk i need
To lose weight myself it's
A tough struggle i put on
50 pounds ever since Janet
Jackson popped her titties out at the
Super Bowl i did i
Cannot stop drinking chocolate milk to
Save my life boy, that is good milk!

You ever eat a Lean Cuisine? Good Lord
I've seen more food in Charlie
Daniels' beard for God's sake
Gotta go on three diets to go on that

You ever hear of the Atkins diet? yeah
I'm on the Clay Aiken diet
(laughs) You pop in a Clay
Aiken record and try and keep food down
(laughs) Now that's funny right there
Alright! That's right