eye can see

I've spent so much of
My time alone
You'd think that I know
Myself better than
Anyone else would
But people around me
Still show me parts of me
I've never seen
Who is the me that I see
When I'm looking in the mirror?
Hardened, Inverted
Skin and Bones
I want to be something more
Than anything I've ever
Been before
I close my eyes and
I try to see myself
The way that others can
See me and
I realized I never can
I want to like who I see
I want to be the only me
Radically accepting
The me who's me now
But I want to be the
Me who I will be and
Never the me
That I used to be
I'm changing, I'm changing
I change every day
I push everyone away
They don't know me and
Neither do I and
My image of self?
Instability
Something I know lots about
We sit together
Smoke a J on the couch
We've known each other
Like lovers and
I wonder
Who this life is
Supposed to be about?
They say,
"You have to love yourself,
Before you love someone else"
But I loved and
I'll love and
I love and
I've loved
Everyone but me
What does that mean?
People love to play with me
Lying and
Cheating and manipulating
I love games but
I'm not fucking playing
Push myself aside
So that Eye can see
All the things you're doing to me
I have to love me
Things aren't working out for me