a meteor with two ends

I just turned twenty
Figured I'd have it figured out by now
Yeah, I'm still young, but I've been doing this for most of my life
Thinking I would be right
Somehow
It felt like last week when I saw I wasn't living alone
Back of my mind was screaming for me, ''you return how you've grown.''
''When are you coming back home?''
I don't know

But it won't be today
A meteor crashed last night
I was clutching on to fading hands, but it felt alright
I'm feeling alright
Then in the morning, a wave of bliss washed over me
I couldn't stop the feeling my world was sent to ashes and I just couldn't care for it

I'll try just to start today (It's just another day)
But last few days I've been anchored down to bed (When did getting out of bed get so tough?)
Yeah, it's a struggle seeing days end up flushed down in the drain (My motivation now is lost and I've got no clue how to get it back)
Tryna keep myself sane
I'm an amnesiac (Without you or me)
(Are these passages 'bout you or myself?)
It still feels funny how much I have suppressed into fiction (Have my sunken eyes left, or am I waiting on a reload?)
It's an addiction feeling like my own novelist (Am I missing what I can't get back?)
But I turned fucking twenty last week (Or do I even want it back? What the hell)
So yeah, how much ignorance do I still have in me? (This ignorance will carry me tomorrow)
It's nothing I haven't done before (It's nothing I haven't done before)

A meteor crashed last night (I wish that I could be somebody for you)
I was clutching on to fading hands, but it felt alright (But I am forcing myself to be good)
I'm feeling alright, yeah (I'm making amends with it)
And in the morning, a wave of bliss washed over me (I'll be taking it step by step)
I couldn't stop the feeling my world was sent to ashes (So just say it and I will be there)
And you know I couldn't care for it (You know that I will always still care for it)

I'll try just to start today (Oh, how I wish you could've known)
And tomorrow (All the parts of me you still own)
And next week (And all the parts of you are me)
And next year (And I am making amends with it)
I'm hoping you'll be here to see those days with me
But for now I'll just start today (This morning starts and ends today)