Selfless

The act of selflessness is something I am workin' on
Talkin more with others got me realizing what planet I'm on
These years I've been self centered tryna get what I want
Haven't cared much about others not even when they call

I've been curious what God thinks of me now
Is he lookin' down with a smile? Or shaking his head with a frown
My path hasn't been the brightest I've got blood on my brow
But I hope he has grace for sinners like me now

I admit it this job got me over focused
Not caring about anything even a eviction notice
In serious times I love to tell jokes
But when things are dark I maintain hope

I'm split in two one a Christian second a demon
Don't take that wrong I'm not talking about possession
One is righteous and the other loves rebellion
One fights for us the other is stuck in depression

I'm lookin' for this freedom
Glad to think I'm winnin'
I'm stuck in this prison
I feel like another person
Do not look at me like that
I know my actions are wack
Am I in neverland?
Asking God who I am
I'm fighting with all I can
And still sink in this sand
The sand is my depression
Anxiety and doubt all lessons
Holdin' out my hands
Pull back before they're grabbed
Do not chase me down
I'm out here on my own now

I'm becoming selfless
Prayin for forgiveness
Does God accept me?
Jesus did die on that tree

I'm becoming selfless
Prayin for forgiveness
Does God accept me?
Jesus did die on that tree

These nights are getting longer, days are getting shorter
It's like I'm workin' graveyard shifts but I'm earnin' quarters
The brain is a wild place that's what I've discovered
The things you always study is what will take over

For me I'm inspired by darkness and sad things in life
It's weird since my whole life has been filled with light
But now I dive into the depths in order to create
I have The Search on repeat to make what I make

It's hard to become selfless when your dream career is focused on you
Talkin with my dad to expose what I'm goin' thru
Conversations with my brother exploring what's all true
Man I swear my mind is feelin' like a wild zoo

I'm staying awake right now when I should be getting sleep
Nothing on my mind but that's why I can't sleep
Writing with Kyle beats podcast for inspiration I need
Striving to be a legend but can't forget the people around me

So many of these thoughts
So many of these plots
I just need some time
To sort thru all of mine
Seems like I'm a mess
I'm Tangled at my best
But I am organized
Separate truth from lies
These beats are my disguise
I'm Closing all the blinds
Wearing all this black
It's my plan of attack
I do not like to listen
Opening my ears to vision
Opening my eyes to see
Who is all around me