Home for the Holidays

I creep around like this every year
Like there's something that id actually do
Sometimes I look in your window
Sometimes I see you
But usually the lights are off
What would I say if you came out here?
I've got half a bottle in my car
And a full one at home
There's something that I never told you:
I want to wake up
And know you're waiting somewhere for me.
It's conversations we never have
I sat there staring
Heart pounding
Every single voice in my head screamed
And I said nothing.
I wish I would have told you my side
Instead of standing there trying to breathe
Forcing dead air through my fake smile.
How could I have known
There were just four months to go
Until things would never change?
Now every days longer
And every years shorter
And I'm still the same.