So Fond Of

It’s a dream, you and her in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G
And what if there was truth to the statement
That first came love and then came marriage?
But it’s not that way, that’s not the song we sing
When sex without a condom is the new engagement ring
And the pain it brings is so demeaning
I would trade so much just to feel something

Cause darling, I said I was holding your heart
But that was just for show
We said, “‘Til death do us part”
But I died such a long time ago
And since then, I've been fed
But only bread that’s turned back into stone
I used to starve 'cause I was hungry
Now, I starve 'cause I’m alone

Cause I had one God in my heart, but so many demons in my head
I took life in little parts; life and death, and life and death again
Then that image of me waking up next to you in bed
My blood red, pumping it up to feel a beat again
But then that flat line; I’m fine, I swear
Broken down, shut out, feeling like no one's there
Where did we let this love fade again?
Darling, way back then when we'd so foolishly said

Water down that sermon so I don’t feel so condemned
When death was my lover, and conviction just a friend
And then a dead end, I wish I could pretend
So then she would at least trust me again
She said, “Call, I’ll still be awake at that hour”
Congratulations, darling; I haven’t fallen asleep in weeks
Withering away like trees, grass, flowers, whatever it be
God, forgive me, you said blessed are the meek
I’m submitting myself to something great, but then when I wake
I find out it doesn’t even relate to that pulsating headache
No caffeine can calm the anxiety of knowing it’s all fake

But God, I'm awake
God, I am awake, I wanna feel whole again
I'm awake