Hello (It’s-a Me)

[Lisa Gherardini (Whelan)]
Hello, it’s-a me
The most famousest painting in history
Ten million see me every year
Not hanging in the loo, but in the Louvre, here

Hello, it’s-a me
From the other side of that you see
I’m Lisa Gherardini who posed for this
My husband wants a portrait of his missus

I modelled at the start then the story gets shady
Under her is painted another Mona lady

Is this picture me, or someone like me
Is this Lisa me-sa? It’s a mystery
Though my husband was the owner, was there another Mona?
No-one knows the real history

[Leonardo da Vinci (Stourton)]
Hello, it’s me
I’m the one they call "The Code" da Vinci
Not just an artist, I’m a procrastinator
If you don’t know what that means then I will tell you later

Hello, Raphael
My student’s going to copy this and make a sale

[Raphael (David-Caine)]
This painting is incredibly profound
Please stop, those eyes are following me around

Her enigmatic smile, a visual delight

[Leonardo]
You think so? Nah, still not quite right

Picture’s not good enough for someone like me
For fifteen years those hands have been bothering me
Though my legacy will last, I may be great but I’m not fast
And you wonder why I lived in poverty

[Lisa]
Patience, one day this great work of art
Will hang in the bedroom of Bonaparte
Most expensive pic of all, you’d better believe it
People going to vandalise, forge and steal it

[Leonardo]
If I wanted it back what must I bid?

[Lisa]
I’m said to be worth one-and-a-half-billion quid

[Leonardo]
What?!

[Lisa]
Then I was stolen cause someone liked me
That was when I gained notoriety
Peaceful life ain’t, been attacked by red paint
Now bulletproof glass protects me