The Illinois Enema Bandit

And now folks it's time for
Don Pardo To deliver
Our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type
Announcement take it away, don!

"This is a true story about
A famous criminal from right
Around Chicago this is the
Story of Michael Kenyon
A man who's serving time at this very
Moment for the crime of armed robbery
It so happens that, at the
Time of these robberies
Michael decided to give his female victims a
Little enema apparently
There was no law against that
But his name lives on: Michael Kenyon
The illinois enema bandit!"

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
They'd be all bound down!
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of
'em up with all the bag
Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of
'em up with all the bag
Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of
'em up with all the bag
Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinoishe has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there from farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag and a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump

The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him
For a special guest
The DA will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in
The side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call
For the jury folks (That's you over there)
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit
For all to see
Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy
HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"
And then the bandit might say
"Why is everybody looking' at me?"
Well did you cause this misery?
Well did you cause this kinda misery?
Well did you cause this misery?
Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"

Bandit are you guilty?
Bandit are you guilty? tell me now, what's
YOUR PLEA?
Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"
Are you guilty? bandit
Did you do these deeds? (C'mon now)
He said, "It must be just what they all need"
"It must be just what they all need"
(That's right)
"It must be just what they all need"
"It must be just what they all need"
"It must be just what they all need"
(That's right)
"It must be just what they all need"
(Don't you know?) etc repeat

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em
Up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be hey! Talkin' bout the Illinois
Illinois ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana ha!
Ain't talkin' 'bout Po head-otated ha!
(I'll try again) potato Headed Bobby
Talkin' 'bout the Illinois Enema Bandit
Yeah yeah- yeah!

Wait a minute, this is for Roy Estrada
Wherever he is

Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema an enema
Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema an enema
I wanna-wanna-wannan-enema eh take it away!

The Illinois Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit)
The Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit)
The Enema Bandit
Talkin' bout the Illinois Enema Bandit

(it can't happen here) juice!

Awright-awright! Ray White, the assistant
Illinois Enema Bandit, live
On stage here in New York! That's it
Sit right down and
Make yourselves comfortable