Is That Guy Kidding, Or What?

Awright. See that? That's what you call a new song. When I’m gonna stand up here and read the son of a bitch while I'm doing it. We figured that this is a good place to do this song. It's only been performed once before and that was the, the evening after it was actually written in uh, Boston. I’ll tell you the story of this song. This is called CREATIVE DEVIATION FROM THE NORMAL PART OF THE PROGRAM, simply because you trust the audience's good taste so much that you know that even if the band fucks up they'll go along with it. Awright. Because, ladies and gentlemen, this song has an important message and I believe this message has to be brought to the people of this great metropolitan area

Awright, now check this out. How many of you people feel that ROCK has gotten entirely TOO PREPOSTEROUS? I see that you're not all convinced. Some of you believe that ROCK is REAL. I can see that there was probably about 20 percent of the audience has had it up to here, and the rest of you people still believe in that shit. Okay, well this is dedicated to the rest of you people that still believe in that shit

Now check this out: How d- how do you rationalize the appearance of an album entitled I'm In You? I mean, wha . . . what, what is that? Is that guy kidding? (What, I gotta kiss you again? Okay.) Really, look, all kidding aside, folks. Let's think about the world of rock, just for a moment. Some of you already have those cute little shirts on that say "disco sucks," right? That's not all that sucks. 'Course Warner Brothers sucks, but besides Warner Brothers there are other things about this business that really suck. One of ’em is the way in which the subject of LOVE is dealt with in the lyrics of various ’serious rock artists,' the intensive-care contingent of the rock world. These people, these people are FUCKED UP, I mean, they’re really FUCKED UP. Because see, love isn't the way they're telling you about it, you know, they're telling you wrong. I’m gonna tell you right, you see

Now all of the ladies in the audience, you get to have fantasy time. This is female fantasy hour. Okay? You're a teen-age girl, right? You have abducted the succulent popstar of your choice, right? You have taken the aforementioned popstar, who is really cute and Aryan and eats a lot of crumpets, back to your teen-age room. That's right, spindle twice. You have taken this turkey back to your room, you have laid on your teen-age bed, you have put your teen-age legs up in the air, you have actually taken your own teen-age pants off. You have the teen-age red bulb on, right next to the bed. The curtains are drawn, it's dark, it's midnight. You put on a Phoebe Snow record, you're really relaxing. Tears come to your eyes, you are sensitive, you are in love. The popstar of your choice takes off his pants and climbs on top of you, and the next thing you know you hear this little voice in your ear and it says:

"I'M IN YOU!"