H.B.D.M.F.

This is your time
This is your day
You've waited and wondered
You've pondered and planned
Where will you stay? What would they say?
How will you get there? Where will you go?
What will they give you?
How many friends will show? (It better be everybody)

So, happy birthday
Here's to ya
Happy birthday everyone
Buy 'em a beer, give 'em a cheer
Some love and affection
A gift card, a cake, and a hug

What self-respecting adult
Makes a big deal of their birthday? (Me)
It's time to simmer down
And stop acting like you're ten (excuse me)
But we know you're a really big deal
So let's get it out of the way
For you and nearly two million
Other important people born today

Happy birthday
Here's to ya
We know all about it
'Cause you told everyone (everyone)
It's attention that you seek
It's a birthday, not a week
You're a wicked sick, sad, selfish son of a gun

Throw yourself a big old party (yeah)
Rent yourself a big old hall
Send out invitations to your
Shitty birthday ball
Stop posting pictures and videos
You think you're so cinematic (I am)
Blow out those freaking candles
And get over it, don't be so dramatic

Happy birthday
Here's to ya
Happy birthday everyone
No more beers, no more cheers
No more love and affection
No gift cards, no cakes, and no hugs
Happy birthday
Here's to ya
We know all about it
'Cause you told everyone (everyone)
It's attention that you seek
It's a birthday, not a week
You're a wicked sick, sad, selfish son of a gun
You're a wicked sick, sad, selfish son of a gun

(Guys, get together for a picture)
(Come on, everybody)
Boo
(We need a picture)
(Come on) oh, get over it
(Why is nobody listening to me)
(Get together for a picture) Christ, I've had it up to here
(Here, you hold the camera)
Midgnight
(Wrap it up, lady)
(Smile)
It's not your day anymore
(Okay)