Reality

I go through my days asking myself how I do it
I got friends in my circle damn they've really been through it
And I got others who don't even know what time I be on
They worried about my dream well where the hell is yours
I've had a life of privilege
And yeah that is a fact
But don't mistake that meaning
That I've had so easy
There's a lot of pain in my heart
And I used to be afraid to show it
So let me take it back and sing for everyone so y'all could notice

When I was 12 I had 7 cops at my front door
Locked up mugshot
Front page on the news
That's when all my trauma started
Yeah it damaged my youth
I spent my childhood crying and tying belts in a noose
Over a decade of therapy but the hell kept coming
My immature insecurities
Yeah they were abundant
I had to see it firsthand
I was so sad and disgusted
My own lovers, my own friends
They wanted to be nothing

And something didn't seem to clear to me
That someday, would I be okay
Or is this my reality
I've almost lost so many friends in my life
I've almost seen my loved ones die
Somehow I got tears left to cry
I don't want to see anymore I wish it was a lie
So why is this my reality, oh oh oh oh

I don't want to eat my own words
And think that they know me, me
But they don't know that
I would never judge you in any way
But just know something
I'll respect you for it everyday, even your downfalls
A piece of me will always be there yeah I'll give it all
But I have to turn my back because I don't want to see the work involved
Make your money do your thing be safe but I have to make a wall
I've got regrets in these sentences
But they've really made me strong
I've lamented day after day about choices that I've been wrong
But do I stop myself
Do I go through this hell
But all that I can tell
For two decades I let everyone push me around
And I let everyone count me out
I was just an amenity all the time
Just an amenity all the time I was
I let everyone take advantage of me
Yeah it's my time now

Cause I want to be something
One day yes I do
Just let be something, let me something for me
My own reality, oh
My own reality