Please Hammond, Don’t Hurt ’Em

[Verse 1]
Look at that hamster, damn
He's kind of a big wheel - Anchorman
Hammond's a mechanical animal for example
Like an album from Marilyn Manson, however more amicable, oh
He's a big mech battling ball
That'll swing that grappling claw
Have a think what that'll involve
Here's a clue - you'll be bruised, bloodied, battered and sore
Deploying shield with the minefield
So pen your final will, and get it signed, sealed, delivered
Then have a nice meal, finish and lie still
The last thing you're going to hear's a high squeal
Yeah, I know it doesn't seem quite real
When you're on the back foot like a high heel
That'll snap, you're no match for a stamp from a huge boot
Damn, but he's too cute

[Chorus]
Hammond has only got one ball
The other does not exist at all
Hammond is less than one foot tall
But he's like a vinegar soaked conker conquers all

[Verse 2]
Hammond exemplifies
The Latin text: "semper fi"
But vivisectionists are pitiless
So forgive our friend for being a bit sick of this
It's as if he's infinitely stuck in a loop
Like a gif of the myth of Sisyphus
Shit's ridiculous, look, here's a lesson to take
Just because he's little doesn't make him any less of a brain
He was getting ready, and waiting to jet and escape
And that patience gave him success on a plate
Now specimen eight will never get in the cage again
He's ready to decimate, hit the Australian plains
Big ball energy
Want to do a bit more than gnaw celery
So quick, pour the Hennessy
Until it hits the floor in your memory
So let me provide a tissue for the final issue
'Cause when the piledriver hits you
I predict you won't survive, you'll be just goo
So goodbye, we'll miss you

[Chorus]
Hammond has only got one ball
The other does not exist at all
Hammond is less than one foot tall
But he's like a vinegar soaked conker conquers all