10 Years Of Borderlands

[Intro]
Buh, hah!
Hello,  Pandora fans
Hello,  Pandora fans
Hello, Pandora fans
We’re riding back to the Moon and back
I  said hello, Pandora fans
We’re  riding back to the Borderlands

[Verse 1 - Borderlands]
Every brilliant story begins with a vault
And  if this is familiar, well, it isn’t my fault
This vault was a rumour, full of fat loot, sir
Sit back, bun a fat zoot and let me ask you-ah
What would you do for such spoils and plunder?
Would  you face pain, shame, flame, cold and hunger?
Assault whole bunkers, wholly outnumbered?
If you answered “yes” to all of the above
Then you’re a Vault Hunter
See? You’re hardly an angel, leave that to the Guardian Angel
The key to the vault is your grail, better get the pieces
If you falter, you fail, your goal is to dwell in this world and inhale
Up a whole different way of living, ultimate sell
With the screws and the nuts and the bolts and the nails
And the rust and the dust and the road and the rail
This is Paradise Lost and you’re going to Hell
With eighty-seven bazillion volts in your tail
Now let me tell the revoltingest tale
Full of mudslinging, salt and betrayal
Hop on the carousel and keep a hold of yourself
‘Cause the slower you roll then the colder the trail
Oi, Patricia Tannis, can you tell us what the plan is?
'Cause it's as if we cannot trust anybody on the planet
You’re a hell of a fierce woman, Helena Pierce
Couldn’t tell if your tears were really steaming your goggles
But not everything is as it appears as your Pandora peers
We should have seen you were trouble
See, now you’ve got the Vault Key, seems your plan’s faulty
It’s about to be stole by the Crimson Lance, oh jeez
So ,who’s the vermin agent that’s commanding them to steal?
Got to be nominative determination, it’s Commandant Steele
It’s time to clap back so I call up Claptrap
He’s like, “What’s that in the back?”
This track slaps, it’s like crack, you can’t get enough of it
Couple lines of filler, dripping bars for the uff of it
To flourish here, got to be hard, toughen up a bit
Borderlands is my jam and I’m loving it
Giving no fucks, open that vault up
Hold up, something’s holed up, woah, oh fuck

[Hook]
Stop the clocks, the status quo is broken
Stop all the clocks, Pandora’s Box is open
Stop the clocks, the status quo is broken
Stop all the clocks, Pandora’s Box is open

[Verse 2 - Borderlands 2]
Whoops! You popped the vault’s cherry
Unsettling what was all buried
Scary monsters, got to get rid of ‘em
What’s left? A big bukkake of Eridium
Ready for the clean up by even badder criminals
How can you beat them? You don't even have the minerals
You’re dealing with the pinnacle, trust
Killing all you little fools, minimal fuss
Hyperion, he’s really running militantly tyranny
By getting the eridium by any necessary means
It’s Handsome Jack with the rapid expansion
Got to keep topping that financial stack
So let's cancel that, take his mansion back
Have him living in a council flat
No Sanctuary, nah, this is our domain
Safe space from which we dish out the pain
Crimson Raiders kill invaders, been doing this thing for ages
Like it isn’t dangerous, didn’t think our little angel traitorous
'Til the day that she betrayed us
Base incinerated but then Lilith saved it
'Cause it is a spaceship, this is just the beginning page
Good gracious! What an outrageous play, Mr. Shakespeare
Who the heck's stepping up next to the stage?
It’s a young lady, you might have seen her
She's a pyromaniac, it's Tiny Tina, about as far from a ballerina
You could find, serving up havoc like subpoenas
Now we’re really getting manic with the beer-bellied mechanic
And it’s Ellie twisting spanners like tagliatelle metallic
And everybody who inhabits the planet's in panicked shock
Except perhaps one man, that's Sir Hammerlock
Have a look through the binoculars
His lens even blurrier than Oculus
Got arms all around like an octopus
Stop popping off shots at the populace
And now Moxxi’s mad, I’ll have what she had
Unless it’s oxycotin, I do not need that
She’s a cosplay hottie, fact
But how's anybody going to top these hats?
Nevermind that, got to stop these prats
So fucking give us back that Vault Key, Jack
Better not wake up that rock creature
For a handsome man, you’re an ugly chap
Well, imagine my shock, final boss, beat that
Clichéd ending, predictable plot piece, ah
Wait a fricking minute, look, what’s this map?
No rest for the wicked, huh? Cut to black

[Hook]
Seems time has stopped, tock-tick
Rewind the clocks, tock-tick
T-minus nought, tock
Lunar tick, back to the moon and back

[Verse 3 - Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel]
Off to the moon and it’s full of lunatics
Scavs, miners, archaeologists and fugitives
The lifestyle under Dahl’s rather punitive
Inclusively like a unisex crucifix
And this human intervention was the Eucharist
Mother Nature doesn’t take to getting two fingers
In the crater like you wouldn’t lose your shit
So as soon as it went boom and split
The crackening was happening and Jack?
He knew to get to the tip then he’d have to become ruthless
Under the tutelage of an abusive bitch
But he got used to it, gave it a new twist
Like people who call nuclear: “nucular”
So close, yet removed from the nucleus
No nuclear family, youth was unhappy
Reduced him to angry then dude killed his granny
Established a pattern
He whacked off his manager but not by wanking
No, Jack toppled Tassiter
Grabbing his throat, he strangled the bastard
Look, still got his trophy goatee, have a look
Now he’s shacking up in Helios
That nobody covets so much as the Legion does
They capture it, Jack's a bit miffed, understandably
So he sends some mercenaries into low gravity
Ramming deep down underground, cleaning cavities
Like a gang of dentists sent to depravity
Yeah, he might be training up an army of robots
But if they’re not harming you, so what?
Don’t knock! It’s not notable enough to remark upon
So shut up, lock targets on Zarpedon
Then choose to pop open that vault
If you don’t know Jack, that’s your own damn fault
(Hit it)

[Hook]
Watch the clock, tick-tock, tick-tock
Watch the clock, what time you clocking off?
Watch the clock, tick-tock, tick-tock
Watch the clock, sleeves up, watches off

[Verse 4 - Tales from the Borderlands]
Rhys’s peace is about to crack
When he sees a key up for grabs on the black market
I’ll take that, thank you (Thank you)
Now Rhys is a man bankrupt, bad luck
Damn, if only he’d have known it was bogus, a phony, a hoax
He’d have ganged up with Fiona the chancer
She knows every scam ever wrote in the damn book
Going to get, going to get, going to get that money back
But I can’t get you out of my head, not funny, Jack
Progress' slower than a tortoise walks until the Gortys Core
Showed them vaults galore
Shore to shore, I’m sure I said already but I’ll say again
So many, there’s a smorgasbord, awkward dork
But when you’re hijacked by Jack
Both boys and girls will be behind like a bike rack
I don’t want to be Handsome Jack’s puppet
So there’s only one answer, that’s "Fuck it"
Bring the whole thing down
Crashing to the surface, looking back
Life now has a bigger purpose
Cash is fucking worthless unless it can be spent
Fed up of living life at like seventy percent
Hope you’re ready for the next episode
Oi, oi, oi, oi! Smoke Skags every day

[Verse 5 - Commander Lilith & the Fight for Sanctuary]
But wait, there's more! Gracious lord
We’ve awakened an ancient force
Lilith and the raiders have brought the vault map
But Dahl have attacked and they won’t pull back
Dropping gas, whole place getting jacked
Like The8thHawk, better get away and escape with a phasewalk
Save Vaughn from infected bandits so we can gather samples
And invent the antidote
Tannis isn’t at a level at which she can master this
So Cassius asks them if they’ll acid trip to the mountain
But who’s that? Talon, Mordecai’s in trouble
Get the Moonshot Cannon, ramming into Helios
So get packing to meet a boss we believe is from Saturn
Take pieces of it, yeah, pull them out of Uranus
The power contained within, it’s bloody outrageous
I guess this infection’s affecting us a lot
Being heckled by Hector is messing up the plot
Better stop that man while we can, while we’ve got a chance
Because his plants are buggering up our plans
Just look at his lab, it’s full of failed experiments
Hypothesis, what a prick, here’s the evidence
Now Cassius is overcome with nastiness
So perhaps the vaccine is within his ass, in fact, it is
Let’s get extracting it and then go back to Sanctuary
The place stinks like an outdated pack of anchovies
Lilith goes ham, completely tearing up the place
Borderlands need saving for yet another day