My Own Pace

I just wanna go at my own pace
What do you want from me
I don't got to much to give no more
Sometimes I wish that I'd just hit the floor
Tired of putting on a fake smile
Just so I can fake a laugh for a little while
I been caught up with these messages
That I've forgot to message friends
Loved ones
And even then it all might end
Fuck this man
I just wanna go back in time when everything was fine
And when it felt like everything was on my side of the line
The ones that know me the most don't know me at all
I really should give 'em all a call
But when I do my anxiety grows bigger than Kamala Khan
I feel like I'm bothering them even though they call me all the time
I hope they all hear this rhyme
I don't want to be a burden but I feel like I am all the time
Don't want to drag you down
But I guess it's a side effect of just being around
I don't wanna look at my own face
I never want to see it again
If life's a race then I
Give up I'll go at my own pace
Go at my own pace
My own pace
Some nights I just lay in bed and stare at the ceiling
Hoping and praying for some relief and some healing
But it never comes and my mind starts racing again
Thats what got me in this place
I'm hated again
On the outside I look happy and cheerful
But on the inside I feel crappy and tearful
I miss when I was equally happy inside and out
But last year happened and all that has died out
Bleeding on every line
I can't escape what came into my mind
I don't want to die
I just want to feel alive
Never been suicidal
Come to think of it thoughts like that have never been very vital
I used to hide all of my pain but now I'm letting it all go
And I promise that none of it is just for a show
This is a
I don't wanna look at my own face
I never want to see it again
If life's a race then I
Give up I'll go at my own pace
Go at my own pace
My own pace