X-M@$

Ho ho ho ho
Jesus

There ain't nothing more depressing than a pine tree
Gussied up with candy canes and balls
Those carolers have kept me up for hours
"It's Merry Christmas," seeping through my walls
Now, I'm no wiccan commie nut or nothing
But there's one damn holiday that I can't stand
It ain't Halloween, or Thanksgiving, or even April Fools
But it'll surely make a fool out of every man

If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered, it ain't Hanukkah
And all you motherfuckers go to hell
If I ain't cock-eyed, it ain't Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of Jack and Cokes
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
'Cause I ain't ever anything but broke

Now, every year the malls are just a madhouse
Full of empty pockets, thoughts and smiles
Just the smell of eggnog makes me vomit
And those colored lights are fucking infantile
I think, we collectively as a people
Should rise against this corporate jolly noise
And tell the world, "Let's buy some peace and quiet for a change
Before we spend it all on fucking toys"

So, if I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
You know where to stick those jingle bells
If I ain't hammered, it ain't Hanukkah
Fa-la-la-la-la, go fuck yourself
If I ain't cock-eyed, it ain't Kwanzaa
Joy to the world of getting stoned
If I ain't drunk then it ain't Christmas
So leave this goddamn Scrooge the fuck alone

Merry Fucking Christmas
Hi, Simon