Hey Dave, Don’t Date Yourself

First you click upon it
Then it clicks on you
Don't use your real identity
In the interests of security

Hey Dave don't date yourself
Your ego needs another mirror
Like a bear needs skates for school
Hey Dave don't disappear
To not exist would be so horribly uncouth
What with that hair

Notions of masculinity
Carved to a rock and then buried under the earth
Found by future generations and used as a template for comedy

Hey Dave don't date yourself
Your evil twin is actually a little doll
You know that's true
Hey Dave I'm watching you
Not literally- I live a hundred miles away
And need some sleep
Some sleep
Some sleep

Here lies the body of the red wine
That brought us together by that bonfire
That brought us together when the night was cold
And the alternative was a travel-lodge
There receptionists can read minds y'know
How do you think they make money?
People don't need beds they just want places for their stuff
Well, that's what my landlord told me
And his bank account is his bond
(no pun intended)